another sleepless night with a baby who can’t breath well enough and spikes a two in the morning fever. i go between holding her in the bed, laying down with her, sitting back up, nursing, patting, taking jammies off, putting jammies on, falling asleep sitting up with my head in my hands in a daze of twenty minute chunks. eventually i give her to flash and sleep for two hours. then i get up to face the day.
i forget to look out the window and notice the sun is shining down today, the day after a snow storm and my town is the most beautiful place in the world. i forget to thank flash for letting me sleep two solid hours and then making my coffee for me. i forget to smile at my children.
and then my friends call and tell me they are taking their kids sledding right down the road and would we like to come? is the pea well enough to join them?
i worry about pushing her little ill body too hard.
bean’s face lights up. sledding?! (we have not been sledding this year and last year it was not his thing.) he so wants to go that i bundle us all up and out we go. i warn him ten million times that we might not be able to stay if it is too cold, too much, too scary, too exhausting, too too too for the pea. he nods yes. yes yes. lets go.
we arrive and the sun blinds me at first but when the blindness wears off it is like i stepped out of my cocoon of negativity and into a wondrous world. the same world. the real world. the one my bad mood was working so hard to ignore.
we take in the beauty. the snow. the sun. the trees and open fields and hills. we sled, all three of us at first gliding down the hill so fast my heart races. then the pea and i stay at the top of the hill and my beanie boy sleds and sleds and sleds. the smile on his face is a sight to behold. we are suddenly joyous.
i have said before that mother nature has all we need to know joy but i learn it and relearn it over and over again in my life.
being outdoors with her she reached out and touched us. we may still be fighting the virus in our bodies but our hearts were healed instantly.