some days i make battle with the ever running lists in my head:
walk the dog.
take beanie to preschool.
get to the grocery store.
buy plants for the whiskey barrels in front.
meet mom to help with horse ride.
plant the veggies in the back.
return library items.
pick up bean from school.
what is for lunch?
what is for dinner?
did i make the beds this morning?
did the breakfast dishes get cleaned up before we left the house?
yikes, poop explosion in the car. pull over, find wipes, change diaper, look for clean clothes in diaper bag, look for a bag to put poopy diaper/pants/dress in..
oh, an iced coffee would be good.
shoot running late for school pick up.
great, the pea is having a massive tantrum and won’t get in her carseat.
i am late for pick up!
we are too late for this tantrum!
try distraction, try brute force, try playfulness, try not to scream myself.
ok fine. soyala, you say you will speak. what do you do in these moments?
first, my friend, you need to shift from your head to your heart. in your head space you are creating energy that makes chaos. in your heart you will find more stillness. you will find energy that creates being.
close your eyes.
move yourself to your heart place.
yes, there you are. when the list is driving you please answer with this movement first.
now turn your senses back on. what do you see around you? what do you hear? what is touching your skin right now? what are you feeling in your heart?
don’t run your life from your head.
if you need a list put it on paper. write things down so that your mind is free from the task of constantly organizing you.
these are truly days of joy. these are days of boundless love from your young children. these are days of abundance. the task list crowds out the joy of each moment. the task list has you focused on getting done not on being through the doing. there is no love in getting done. on a good day i might argue there is NO POINT AT ALL in getting done. getting done is not a life.
which doesn’t mean you do not do things. you surely do. you do go to the market to purchase food to nourish your family with. you do find the time to plant herbs, to plant tomatoes, to plant flowers in your whiskey barrels. you create a vibrant land on which to live. you love that which you plant.
“but it’s not that easy,” you think. yes. easy itself is not what you are thinking. easy is not seamlessly achieving small check marks. the ease comes from your presence in the task. the ease comes from within. and when it is lacking in your energy then you reach out and tap into the divine. she is always there, loving universe, god, divine light, to feed you the ease. the ease is the grace of your being, being. the ease is the breathing, the sensing, the feeling through each moment.
the ease is the moment that he cries out that he is not ready to leave school and so you tuck you list into your pocket and you kneel down and hold his still so terribly small four year old body in your arms. you just hug him and you don’t ask what is wrong and you don’t ask why not and you don’t think but but but. you wrap him in the ease of your love and you feel the ease arise within your own energy. there is nothing to get done. you are doing life. in that simple holding.
so you see, you do it.
you just have to allow yourself to continue.
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