Archive for September, 2009

make me happy monday II

last week i decided i wanted to try a little something new on monday’s. here we go with round two.

11. this weekend i spent an hour doing some yoga with my mom. it was called “no sweat yoga” but i am desperately sore. the point, taking time to to stretch in breathe in the company of my mother was nice.

12. when we were done with yoga we drank some tea and i took a few minutes for my knitting.

13. and then, we all had a nice family brunch at a local place that is fairly new but people there are starting to recognize us. i like going to local places that recognize you. it just feels good and makes me happy i live in a small town.

14. so clearly sunday made me happy.

15. have i mentioned scones? they are still going strong around here and i have found that using heavy cream solved the whole “too wet to knead” problem i was having. go figure. (it was flash who bought the heavy cream where i had been trying to go the lower calorie route.)

16. honey crisp apples. honey = sweet. crisp = self evident. what’s not to like?

17. the wool i am using to knit up chickpea a hat. it is so fun. i promise to get a picture up soon.

18. watching the bean sit in a booth next to his friend today and not minding when she kept entering his personal space. huge. huge stuff.

19. tonight when the bean told me his favorite part of the day was “cuddling with chickpea.”

20. snuggling under the blankets as the cool fall nights descend on my neck of the woods.


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sunday silence

this morning i did some yoga with my mom.
then i listened to her horse for a few seconds.
i was knitting the chick pea’s hat while we drank some tea.
i have a lot of things on my list for this afternoon but i hope to be able to hold my intention.
my intention of calm.
my intention of balance.
my intention of tea and knitting and silence.
warm, and ok silence.

maybe that is what sunday’s should be for after all.

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baby wearing week


i don’t write about babywearing much but i don’t write about breathing much either and i am doing them both pretty much all the time. today we walked to the center of town for a little festival that is going on there and chickpea rode there and back on my back, and she slept for the ride home. if you look in the back of my car you’ll probably find a soft structured carrier, a woven wrap, and my reusable grocery bags. you usually won’t find a stroller. and it is not because i have any problem with strollers or anything. but, the bean sure did, he hated them, and it is like he trained my brain. i just don’t ever grab for a stroller. i grab for a piece of fabric that will hold my baby up snug to my body. where i can feel her breathing and she is pulling at my clothes and we are both seeing the same things.

it is not that i take issue with other people doing it any other way. i own two lovely strollers. and you can find them, gathering dust, in my garage. i am just a baby wearer. i am. i wear my baby. and god bless the loving universe for that one day when i was pregnant with the bean and my google search led me to some didymos retailer who helped me chose my first wrap. i had NO idea what i was doing. what a wrap was. maybe i should be blessing the horse that fractured my vertebrae when i was nineteen because it was that old injury that had me thinking i better find something easy on my back.

i remember bringing the bean home from the hospital and opening up the didymos instruction booklet and trying to figure out what the heck to do with the ten million miles of fabric. i taught myself two carries in those first weeks and once i was capable of tying him on my body without breaking into a sweaty freakout i was hooked. he loved it. i felt – i felt, safe. my baby was right there in my arms, my cloth arms. sometimes i felt like a little bit of a freak because the baby bjorn is really the only carrier you saw used occasionally in these parts back then. but mostly i just felt like i had found something that really worked for my little bean who thrived on mama’s touch.

we have come a long way from those first two carries and our beloved iris (i would love to share a picture with you but you know they are on my broken hard drive). the bean actually sat in a stroller today that flash pushed to town. but still, i am a baby wearer. and the pea was on my back for the walk there, the strolling around the fair, and the walk home.

and she is on me now. wrapped to my front snoozing away while i type. i am a baby wearer. this is my last baby. and you can bet that as long as she is happy with it i am going to savor it.

a piece of cloth, my child, and me.

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life work

it is so hard to just be here, in this moment, the present, here and now.

i like a plan. i am gathering information. i am predicting things.

none of that serves me in this moment in my life. the only time that serves me is the present moment and learning the art of how to sit in it.

i want to whine about it. but that is hardly the point.

today i will spend some time living in the present and i will enjoy my self.

phew. no one ever said being a mystic was easy.

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a mystic

bob marley is singing me a lullaby and the pea is sleeping in my favorite and often mentioned black cherry pfau.  i am thinking about our ability to shape our lives with our thoughts and intentions.  yesterday i was in a foul mood for so many reasons i think its best to put them in a box and seal the lid shut.

i spent the early evening at a semi-chaotic dinner birthday party playdate which lifted my mood enough for me to do some knitting after the kids fell asleep and then open my journal.  i remembered reading this post over at creative kismet a little while ago. the post had me thinking again about the power of stating intention, or of positive self talk, or of creating my experience of my self and my life.

when i was in high school i had a few friends who were a little older then me and they were really into being nice, kind, and supportive. they would leave a note up on the note board for one another that was just a nice drawing and a reminder to “smile.” or that said “you are fantastic have a great day.” i was kind of lucky to fall into their favor and their positivity was much needed. i tried to spread the love and i remember at least one of my friends in my own class being the type to leave me similar sweet encouraging notes (hey jenny if you are reading). this was a kind of unstudied attempt at simple joy. smile. be happy. you are great.

later on in life i came to be in possession of the book becoming a practical mystic which encouraged you to start each day by telling yourself two things you would be that day. for example, wake up and state “today i will be calm and centered.” or, “today i will feel happy and full of peace.” i did follow this practice for quite some time and i was fairly hugely surprised by how much of a difference one minute of focused intention stating could change my day to day life.

as i twirled around in the dark waters yesterday i wondered if it might be time to work a little harder on me. i am sure it is no small sign that i am deeply annoyed that carrie over at the parenting passageway for spending twenty days on becoming a more mindful mother (read self improvement and introspection). if something that would usually appeal to me sounds like too much work it tends to be great big waving in the storm red flag.

last night i took out my beloved oil pastels, and my blank page journal, and i started off big (trying to be accepting of the fact that i do not have the skills of ms. creative kismet) and filled a page with “i am seeking joy, peace, love, happiness.”

that was all good and true but in a moment of clarity i realized that i had to make the shift more — concrete? real? true? powerful?

i turned the page and stated “i already have and will continue to be blessed with a life filled with joy, peace, love and happiness.” it filled the page. it felt a little bit like a lie but i squashed that talk and i remembered that i am NOT my thinking self. and it is that darn thinker who is in there shrieking “we are not peaceful and happy why are you saying that!” i checked in with my true self and she felt like pure white light and that is pretty darn peaceful and joyous. you know? so be quiet all you thinkers.

i put away the pastels and spent one more page making statements about what today was going to be like. that i was going to be calm and patient and loving with my children. that i was going to be aware of my true self and able to quiet my inner thinkers. that i was going to create and be creative and write and feel loving and loved. i can’t remember what else i wrote but i filled that page right up.

it is not like today has been perfect but i dare even those thinker selves in to me to deny the improvement. we are all happier. nothing bad about that.

in the words of today’s lullaby:
emancipate yourself from mental slavery
none but ourselves can free our minds.

maybe when he wrote this he wasn’t thinking it would help some white girl in america to quiet her inner demons. but, i wouldn’t put it past him. the man is a genius.

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steph over at adventures in babywearing is hosting a really awesome contest…the sakura bloom triathlon. i had to enter cause i think the pea and i could totally rock the sakura slings — but even if we are not chosen i have to give mad props to steph for hosting a really sweet contest.

i was thinking i’d be all cool and grab her button and put it up here but guess what…i have no idea how. and i call myself a blogger!

actually, truth be told, i was thinking about that this morning. do i think or myself as a blogger? as a writer? this is kind of a part of an existential crisis type line of questioning but it is interesting to think about. i have been spending some time (read playdates) with a mom whose daughter goes to preschool with the bean lately so she is sort of a new friend. and i was sitting there thinking – am i a blogger? do i tell someone i meet, “oh yes, i am a blogger.” as in, when i am getting to know this new friend is my blogging a part of what i share as who i am and what i do?

honestly, it is not something i’d ever do. which begs the question “why not?!”

i better answer that tomorrow when there is potential for a better mood. today is one of those days. best to just shout out one more time…
steph is hosting a really cool sakura bloom triathlon contest! and call it a day.


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makes me happy monday

i decided that i want to list a few things i am grateful for today. maybe it will become a monday regular.

cowgirl of my heart

cowgirl of my heart

1. this baby girl make me happy in my take my breath away manner – but that is nothing new.

2. this weekend was our annual polo event in the big field across the street from my parents house and it is, i do believe, my favorite event of the year. i love it. this weekend it was sunny and in the 70’s and i got to wear my cowgirl boots and not feel strange and the pea loved joining in the yeehaw fun.

3. the fall in new england. sun, leaves just starting to turn, cool nights and warm days, 70 degree weather, jeans and a tshirt. happiness.

4. speaking of jeans, i got myself one new pair on jeans at a local store that was having a sale and i am loving them. it is nice to get dressed and feel mildly better about my lower half just because i like my jeans.

5. buying from a local store always makes me feel good. (they really need me to come in and fold for them though. i’ll leave it at that.)

6. i’ve been on a major scone baking spree. the simple and healthy(er) scones from alice waters the art of simple food are my jumping off point and i’ve been experimenting with using part almond meal in place of the flour and so on. fun, quick, the bean loves helping, we all love eating. they do not last long around here!

7. the gym has been making me really happy. i just need the pea to come around to being left in the child care and it could be a good thing. anyone want to help me out on this one?

8. my mom telling me she was proud of me for going to the gym. and then the way we did this funny little jumpy dance around my house. good stuff.

9. doing some woowoo work. on friday wotw and redbird were both here and a dog client of wotw’s came over and we all did some work with him and his person to help figure out why the chiropractic work wotw has been doing is not holding. it was so nice to be working. dear universe please send me more work.

10. later on friday, after both kids were asleep, i went out for a bit and met some girl friends for a drink. i didn’t even know everyone there and i had a blast. it lifted my spirits right up and i swear when i climbed into bed that night i was smiling as i fell asleep.

thank you universe for all the blessings.

she adores her gran gran (for which i am thankful)

she adores her gran gran (for which i am thankful)

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