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Posts Tagged ‘following joy’

now joy.

i do have a to do list
completely incomplete.
but is isn’t hanging over my head.
it isn’t whispering in my ear about how terrible i am.
instead i keep catching myself
happy.
content.
excited.
at peace.
what is the recipe for this joy?
i can’t say
i know.
i can’t say
i don’t know.
it has to do with just being me.
and just being us.
with knitting.
with singing.
with exercise.
it has to do with staying up at night planning circle time.
practicing singing a song about jack frost.
a few quick notes in my journal.
more knitting.
putting on snow pants.
chocolate chip oatmeal coconut cookies.
saying yes to things.
making the beds.
doing the darks.
reminding myself there is no deadline.
there is no real need for hurry.
the world will not end if it takes me another ten minutes to get us out the door.
with forgiving myself more quickly when i lose my cool.
knitting.
slowly, slowly, at my speed, thinking of myself as a healer.
a woman who heals.
slowly, slowly, at my speed, chipping away at larger projects.
creating places and spaces.
more cookies.

all feelings are fleeting.
life is in constant movement – shifting and reforming all around us and within us.
times for struggle, for growth, for learning, for stretching.
and then occasionally.
just joy.

i won’t wonder when it will end.
i will just love love love the ride.

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friday following

i am still working on the art of following my joy.

to lemon basil water:

to intuiting this weeks herbal tea blend:

(lemongrass, lemon balm, alfalfa, lemon peel, orange peel, rose hips)

to making a straw cup for the bean out of an empty olive jar:

and, of course, finding tiny bits of time to start knitting my first sweater:

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today’s treat

listening to this.

while working on my shawl and sipping an iced coffee.

i confess – i am following my joy again.

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this whole following my joy movement is proving to be freakishly fun.  it is the freedom to spend time on something because i want to.  it is the freedom to start things without worrying about when and if i might finish them.  it is the freedom to say to my inner nag, “oh, pipe down – i’m having fun!”

i have followed my joy to reading silly poems out loud to the kids while they are in the bathtub.

and to heidi and finn where i may just have grabbed a pattern i’d love to sew someday.  when i learn to sew.  but without deciding that if i don’t sew it this month i am a terrible person.

i followed my joy last night when she whispered to me that it would be nice to get a few extra hours of sleep. to sleep (crazy early) i went.

joy encouraged me to make an iced coffee and savor each sip on this hot day.

joy even came to my rescue when i was falling over tired during my exercise class this morning. you feel happy when you feel strong, she suggested to me. push yourself to the edge of your strength. be the strong woman you want to be. feel the joy of your muscles working hard and fight through the voices that tell you that you can’t do this. tell them, “shush, i am having fun!”

joyously i mix up herbal tea to suit my mood and chug down 40 or so ounces each afternoon. will i always mix herbal tea? will i mix tea tomorrow? should i spend more time on tea or less time on tea? never mind that – i am trusting the joy.

you know me. my days are not a happy ride on could nine for twenty four straight hours. i face my inner demons. i yell at my kids by mistake. i curse out the dog for teething on a shoe. i cry and moan my way through many a late afternoon early evening while i try to wrangle two kids, a puppy and myself through the end of the day while whipping up a delightful home cooked meal.

life is life is life.
and it is still life.
i’ve just added more joy.
i’ve added faith in joy.
i’ve made a new friend.

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trusting the joy

the kids had a blast this weekend dancing to some steel drum music at our friend’s birthday party.  it is always sneaky inspiring for me to watch the kids dance.  there is just something about it that gets under my skin.

the next night i reached for a few of my more waldorf focused books to read before bed.  they have been sitting, gathering dust as we say, on the bookshelf for close to two months now.  i had to step back from my big push to change it all and let us land where we landed.  at the time that i chose to step back i was part accepting of my decision, part relishing what felt like a move towards more freedom for myself, and also part upset with myself.  i believed that what i was aiming for with the waldorf influence was worthy and i felt like i was quitting on it.

in the end it has been a wonderful two months.  i didn’t let go of everything i had gained from my waldorf research at all…i just stopped working so hard at it and allowed the pieces that came to settle into our lives.  meanwhile, i found the time and energy to focus on doing things for myself.  just for myself.  my running, joining a workout class, taking a morning off to get my hair cut, reading a few novels.  i wasn’t doing it for my kids but in the process i have seen how much it means for them.  i feel good about it.

then last night i reached for the books again.  it is funny how they suddenly read so differently for me – they are making more sense and feeling more real – when what i thought i was doing was stepping away from it for a few months.

after reading a page i put the book down and grabbed my journal.  i jotted down, “the time has come to trust that the level of interest i feel in things is a good, honest, correct guiding force in my life.”

what i mean is that my interest in specific area’s of my life may wax and wane and instead of being upset with myself for being in this constant state of flux, instead of feeling like i am good at starting things but not finishing them, maybe i need to trust that my higher self is at work in this rhythm.  and she knows what we need in each moment and in each season of my life.

listening to her is listening to me and maybe that is a smart move – not something to be ashamed of.

do you find simple ways to trust the joy you find in your life?  to trust the joy to lead you where you need to be?  that is my new goal.  another pocket tool – joy trusting.

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