i have been online a lot less in the last few weeks. this means i have fallen behind in some of the things i enjoy online, reading certain blogs, seeking some sense of companionship and camaraderie from similar thinkers, writers, and parenters that i find here on the interwebs (i am loving making up my own words these days). even finding inspiration to get my buttsky in shapesky (again) as i restart the 30 day shred (again) inspired by all the shredheads (again) and it hurts (again).
i have been on the computer less as i tried to find the rhythm that would take me safely and happily through two weeks at home without flash, and with my two wonderful, lovely, amazing, exhausting children. i know that when i am home without flash i have the instinct to turn the computer on more, to have a sense of adult company. i also know that i tend to lose control of the house being neat enough for me to be happy, i get overwhelmed, i burn out around day six, and it all seems too hard. that is so not what i wanted to have happen when i was facing fourteen some odd days.
so instead of plugging in i unplugged. i tried sitting down in the morning with the kids to all eat breakfast together. i made a rule about television that i am happy with. i tried to leave myself more time for housework so that i could include the bean in the work and not be frustrated by the constant interruption of redirecting chickpea as she explores the house, the cupboards, the drawers, the shelves, the toy bins, the stairs, the door to outside, the toilet and so on and so on. i still come online each day for a bit. i try to write something because writing serves me well. but i have gotten behind in my reading, in my commenting on blogs i like, even in the whole stream of availableness that makes twitter enjoyable.
i do have a point here. though so far i am just going on and on. i think i mentioned the waldorf book i am reading heaven on earth (i have been warned it has some discipline suggestions i will not agree with but otherwise i am finding it to be a helpful and inspiring read). i also was gifted a copy of amanda soule’s book the creative family which i am loving. so as i have unplugged i have been doing more reading of ink on paper, which in some ways allows me to be a little slower, i find, i underline some things or make notes in the margins and then i turn out the light and drift off to sleep.
it has been nice slowing down, connecting with the kids, unpacking my bag at the end of each day and being sure to wash out all the snack containers and water bottles. taking the time to pack snack before we go out even (for all this i must thank my brother and sister in law – the lovely cakeissweet who are totally on top of this kind of stuff and who i learned from by watching while we visited with them this summer). i put away the dishes in the drying rack when i come down first thing in the morning while i am waiting for my water to boil for coffee. i make the beds. i do the dishes, every single one i can find, before i go up to sleep. seriously, this is not how i have been for the last year (or thirty one years) and i have no idea if it is something i can keep up and the list of things i want to fit into my day and life seems to only grow each day which is totally overwhelming and i am looking for a support group (anyone anyone) but life is good.
so, it was with much joy that i headed over to one of my favorite bloggers today and read about her day of gratitude she shared with her little one recently. i decided i wanted to take her invitation to list things i am grateful for here on my blog (though it sure has taken me a long time to get around to it). to limit myself from going on and on i will make a list of ten. ten things i am grateful for right now:
- my family
- woven wraps, and my ability to use them
- my recent peace with my parenting style
- the really nice date i had with flash on thursday
- the animals i have had throughout my life
- non ordinary reality
- good therapists
- local fruit finally at the farmers market
- tripp trapp chairs borrowed from a friend while she vacations
- knowing what it looks like to watch a retired racing greyhound run as fast as the wind for the sheer joy of it, and knowing that i want that in my life again at some point.
thank you green mamma for reminding me that although i am striving constantly to learn and grow it is imperative to balance that out with a gratitude for what i have and know. and now everyone who reads please join me in sending the lovely green mamma some “happy healthy beautiful perfect timing” birth vibes as she waits to meet her baby boy.
or rather, going back to searching the internet for a nice place to take sewing lessons. (or should i focus on canning? or knitting? or making my own cheese? or…)