in the last few days i have been taking note of moments that could potentially feel exhausting or stressful but do not need to. yes, the potential is there and i am sure at times it will be met full on. but other times i am actually having fun. if i can just relax, be ok with everything, and realize it. you know, let go of the things on the list that are not and just have a moment of clarity that this is good.
the other day my younger neighbors were outside having the kind of laid back and slightly irresponsible fun that twenty-somethings can have in the late afternoon. i was also outside, but i was managing a two-kids-one-bike situation. if you know what i mean. i kept glancing over at their 4 o’clock beers and wishing i could go back to those days when the only person i was taking care of was myself.
then, i asked myself to really remember what that time in my life was like. yes, it had nice moments but it doesn’t hold a candle to my life now. my life full of a kind of richness of love i couldn’t have imagined then. my own family. my children. as if sensing my shift in perspective the bean decided to pull a stroller out of the garage to push around and he let the pea mess around with his bike. (does she want to sit on it and ride? no of course not! she wants to stand in the back bucket – or alternatively try to stand behind it and push it around.)
yesterday i packed up the kids and several bags of supplies and trekked into flash’s place of work for a little halloweening. the bean was so excited to see daddy’s office and to wear a costume and trick or treat. i had diapers, costumes, extra clothes, snacks, drinks, pajama’s, you name it – filling up three bags organized by time of need. i worried that it would be too much. too much for who? maybe for them making them cranky and then for me trying to keep it all flowing ok. i stressed out a bit but i did my best to stay positive and go for it.
there were, of course, moments that were less then pleasant (driving home in rush hour traffic with a fifteen month old who still does not like being in the car is so fun!) but all in all it was nice. it was a fun change of pace for me and the kids. we decided to stop on the way home at a pizza place we like and as we unloaded the kids and figured out what bag was needed for dinner i called across the car to flash, “guess what? i think i am having fun!”
it felt so good. to realize i was having fun. everyone was ok. we were a family out in the world having fun. i know, this is pretty simple stuff, but isn’t it sometimes so hard to grasp the simplest aspects of our existence? the house waiting for us to return to it was a mess, the bags had gotten all mixed up, chickpea had spilled about three cups of car snacks all over the place, it was later than the kids usually eat and guess what? it was ok. it was not just ok it was fun.
flash might think i am off my rocker this weekend. already today i have told him two more times “hey, i am having fun! are you?” but, it certainly won’t be the first time he has wondered about me and i think i am on to a good practice here. the ability to be in the present moment and notice the joy lingering all around me.
how about you? anyone else out there having any fun?