Archive for October, 2009


iphone photo

in the last few days i have been taking note of moments that could potentially feel exhausting or stressful but do not need to. yes, the potential is there and i am sure at times it will be met full on. but other times i am actually having fun. if i can just relax, be ok with everything, and realize it. you know, let go of the things on the list that are not and just have a moment of clarity that this is good.

the other day my younger neighbors were outside having the kind of laid back and slightly irresponsible fun that twenty-somethings can have in the late afternoon. i was also outside, but i was managing a two-kids-one-bike situation. if you know what i mean. i kept glancing over at their 4 o’clock beers and wishing i could go back to those days when the only person i was taking care of was myself.

then, i asked myself to really remember what that time in my life was like. yes, it had nice moments but it doesn’t hold a candle to my life now. my life full of a kind of richness of love i couldn’t have imagined then. my own family. my children. as if sensing my shift in perspective the bean decided to pull a stroller out of the garage to push around and he let the pea mess around with his bike. (does she want to sit on it and ride? no of course not! she wants to stand in the back bucket – or alternatively try to stand behind it and push it around.)

yesterday i packed up the kids and several bags of supplies and trekked into flash’s place of work for a little halloweening. the bean was so excited to see daddy’s office and to wear a costume and trick or treat. i had diapers, costumes, extra clothes, snacks, drinks, pajama’s, you name it – filling up three bags organized by time of need. i worried that it would be too much. too much for who? maybe for them making them cranky and then for me trying to keep it all flowing ok. i stressed out a bit but i did my best to stay positive and go for it.

there were, of course, moments that were less then pleasant (driving home in rush hour traffic with a fifteen month old who still does not like being in the car is so fun!) but all in all it was nice. it was a fun change of pace for me and the kids. we decided to stop on the way home at a pizza place we like and as we unloaded the kids and figured out what bag was needed for dinner i called across the car to flash, “guess what? i think i am having fun!”

it felt so good. to realize i was having fun. everyone was ok. we were a family out in the world having fun. i know, this is pretty simple stuff, but isn’t it sometimes so hard to grasp the simplest aspects of our existence? the house waiting for us to return to it was a mess, the bags had gotten all mixed up, chickpea had spilled about three cups of car snacks all over the place, it was later than the kids usually eat and guess what? it was ok. it was not just ok it was fun.


chickpea at the office (gratuitous pig tail shot!)


trick or treat

flash might think i am off my rocker this weekend. already today i have told him two more times “hey, i am having fun! are you?” but, it certainly won’t be the first time he has wondered about me and i think i am on to a good practice here. the ability to be in the present moment and notice the joy lingering all around me.

how about you? anyone else out there having any fun?


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sometimes i wonder…

sometimes i am bouncing around the internet reading blogs and online articles and i happen upon yet another example that makes me wonder why we all feel like it is fine to be mean.  i don’t want to live in a world without disagreement and debate.  i don’t think that if we smile and accept everything the world will be a better place.

i do believe that if we try hard enough we can find ways to express disagreement without belittling the person on the other side of the argument.  i believe it is possible to fight fair.  i believe we can teach more and learn more if we agree not to hit below the belt.

i wonder why people think the only way to make their point is by calling people who disagree with them names.

yesterday i read such a post.  the author belittled people who feel differently than she does on the topic and then used fear and blame to try to strong arm her readers into seeing things her way.  maybe she was joking around some.  maybe she was being flip.  maybe she was thinking the strong voice would catch our attention and make us think.

it did make me think. it made me think damnit don’t be mean.

call me what you like. i am going to keep putting my energy into creating a world where we all disagree with kindness in our hearts and our words.

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working on it

i’ve been trying to find time for more crafting.  right now i am part way through sewing up a blanket for a friend’s baby boy:



a hat for the bean’s preschool teacher’s new baby girl:



and i recently acquired some yarn to make myself something with:



we really keep our christmas gifting to a minimum around here but i am hoping to have a handmade focus with what little gifts we do.  that means, i am not sure when i will actually get to making the something for myself.  but still, it is the thought that counts.


what about you?  are you gearing up for the holidays?  crafting anything nice for yourself or others?  spending time dreaming of what to buy for people off etsy?



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monday on tuesday

i seem to always forget my commitment to giving gratitude on mondays but i really don’t want to just let it go so instead i am going to try to be fluid.  you know, monday, tuesday – whatever!

1. i am grateful for a few warm sunny afternoons this late into the new england fall.

2. i am grateful for all the helpers in the world.  and most especially for the ones who have been helping my family recently.

3. i am grateful that the fourteen year old girl who lives next year wants to try some hours over here helping me out.

4. i am grateful to flash for supporting my desire to get to the gym on saturday and sunday while he plays with bean and pea.

5. i am happy with the two mugs i got for us on monday morning, on a whim, that ended up being very much on sale even though they were not marked as such.  they are very enjoyable to drink from.

6. i am so grateful to the teachers at the bean’s preschool who were patient with me when i originally backed him out of his full day toddler spot over a year ago.  supported my desire to start him in the preschool as a half day student in march.  and have shown the dedication and skill to bring this very shy little boy out of his shell to the point where he is happy and comfortable at school.  i never could have imagined it!

7. i am grateful to my mom for all the time she spends watching the kiddo’s.  and i am starting my serious freak out about her leaving for five and half months.  ok, wait, this is a grateful list.

8. i am grateful for coffee.

9. and toblerone.  the dark chocolate with nougat kind.

10. i am grateful that i got the support i needed to successfully establish a positive nursing relationship with both of my kiddos.  and grateful that i have found the support and personal conviction to allow them to self wean…or not yet wean as the case may be.



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first pig tails:

polenta lasagna with veggies:
DSC_0198 (anyone want the recipe?)

bean takes some pictures with my camera:

outside family fun time:

and to top it all off a date last night after the kids were sleeping snug in their beds. it was nice and the food was delish.

funny thing, it rained all day saturday, the pea slept hardly a wink that night so neither did i, and still the weekend was so lovely i can’t help but be in a good mood today. go figure.

whoops, i “stole” the title weekending from soulemama without realizing it. thanks for the inspiration soulemama!

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a few things

1. i cooked up my version of this lentil soup last night and it was killer. the only difference was i added some cumin, garlic, and a dash of curry powder. then i topped it off with the saffron yogurt, some lemon and garlic olives, and feta cheese. good stuff.

lentil soup with toppings

lentil soup with toppings

2. chickpea looked so cute today i spent a few moments trying to take her picture but she was way too excited about climbing onto me and snuggling in (which is pretty much what she wants to do all day everyday at this stage) so she wouldn’t hold still long enough for a nice picture.

a cutie pea

a cutie pea

"mama!" (she realizes i am at a grab-onto-able level)

"mama!" (she realizes i am at a grab-onto-able level)

and here she comes to climb onto me

and here she comes to climb onto me

hope everyone has a lovely weekend.
peace, love, joy, woowoo

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in the depths of the dark of the great mother earth.
of my heart.
in crevices dug deep.
in murky corners and velvet black walls dusted with dried blood.

in the drawers that are lined with dust and grime.
with spoken keys and eye lashes.
with crushed glass and shells and some small smooth stones.

at the center of the great mother earth.
of my soul.
i stand guard.
i hold my shield fast.
i have horns and fists and plastic.

there are pieces in there

fragmented shards that don’t quite fit.
at the center of the earth.
and she holds them tight to her chest.
and shares them with only her self.

at the core of the earth we stand guard.
to protect.

don’t you?
you must too.

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