Archive for November, 2010

december eve baking

is it not december yet?  i feel so surprised by that.  here i am all “taking in slow transitioning from thanksgiving to advent” and yet i was certain it was december on monday.

well it is december eve.  and in honor of that holiday feeling news we did some baking today.  these muffins were slated to be on the thanksgiving menu but they got scratched when i ran out of oven time/space.  all the ingredients have been sitting in the fridge begging to be married together for a quick treat.

i have been waiting though for a moment when i might have people to share with – beyond just me, flash, and our holiday induced bulging belly’s.

well tonight i am hosting a knit & sip.

and we had no plans this morning until story time at the library at 11:30.

so we baked cheddar leek muffins.

muffins cooling

they were relatively easy to make with several steps that the kids enjoyed participating in:
– i let pea cut up the butter
– they each got to measure and pour dry ingredients
– they each got to help crack one egg
– they sprinkled the muffins with the extra leeks

i made these minor changes to the recipe based on what we had on hand:
– switched out the all purpose flour for white whole wheat
– used agave in place of honey
– couldn’t stop myself from adding a bit of fresh ground black pepper

go forth and bake.
share with friends.
happy december eve.


ok, i might have sample just one when we got home from story time so i could be certain they were okay before serving them to guests.  if i did then i could share with you that it was tasty and paired nicely with my feta cheese and olives for lunch…

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plastic beads

thanksgiving table

i’ve been trying to allow us to slowly shift from the oranges and reds of thanksgiving to the greenery of christmas. it is time to pack up the mini-pumpkins we have be worshipping at since they began their lives as giant yellow blooms in our vegetable patch. it is time to think about what the advent will be for us this year.

i know some people have already made this shift and last year i felt the threatened unease of being behind. i was concerned that i was somehow messing up. but this year i feel ok with our pace and with our (really eternal) state of learningness. we are creating our family rhythms and cycles of course. we are discovering what meanings sit fully in our hearts and speak our truths. we are open to a depth of feeling but not interested in simply copying someone else’s.

this has got to be the way forth.

and also, the giant collection of red, white, and green plastic beads and 1″ bells we bought at ac moore this morning. already jingle bell bracelets have been crafted with pipe cleaners and another day i am hoping for a glorious garland.

aim for what you reach. not everyone has the wherewithal to drill tiny holes in acorns and then glue gun the tops back on. i asked the spirits about it all though, and they assured me that it is the beating in your heart that matters the most. the gladness. the seeking of internal joys. securing your tiny inner light and noting the connections with other greater outer lights.

sharing the stories in your heart.
praising your life.
and seeking your true self.

little plastic beadyness and all.

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it has been happening for five years now.

thanksgiving comes and goes with that strange speed that only holiday celebrations can achieve.

and then, a few hours later it seems, my mom is packed to leave for the winter.

her dogs, horses and the donkey go with her.

snowbirds heading south.

each fall i waver between dread and denial.

until the saturday hits.


this year especially – with the stomach bug and colds surrounding my little family of four for the last week and then my in laws arriving to stay with us – i think denial reined supreme.

until 6:30 this morning when it came time to say goodbye.

this year it is not just my mom and her dogs that are on the highway right now but also castle james.  it made sense when we came up with the plan.  it still makes sense in so many ways.

i did lay on the couch and cry though.  with the bean and pea looking on in wonder and flash trying to figure out the best way to comfort me.  and i’ll do it again as soon as i have my house to myself.

its a lonely few days coming up here.  it is like this every year.

then our rhythm shifts

then we go visit for weeks at a time

then it is spring again








a recent ride

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every time

i pull open my fridge door

and see the cranberry bourbon compote

sitting prettily in a

(formerly contraband dairy)

glass jar

i feel this calm come over me.


so sorry electricity.

today i be openin’ that door.

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saw mill brook reservation

in november gratitude becomes hip.

nothing bad about that.

i find the fall season makes me feel reflective anyhow – as i am moving more deeply inside myself preparing for the winter months.  first there is the fall funk and then there is this state of reflection that arises.  last year around this time i happened upon a little moment on the radio that changed the way i think about my own thankfulness. really and truly it created a vast shift in the thoughts that arise within me when i am bringing awareness to my own gratitude.

i am deeply thankful that the universe aligned to send along that message.
i am so thankful for the challenges that have been placed before me over the years. once i have made my way through them (for better or worse) i am always able to see how much they have shaped my spirit and led me to where i need to be. this process, repeated, had made it easier for me to trust. when things all around me are swirling, when i feel like i am sinking, when i am irritated and overwhelmed and just plain old beat i have managed to hold onto a little spark of somethingness. i might have called it hope at one time but my labeling has shifted and now i sense gratitude – sometimes a wave and sometimes just the thinnest little line right down at the bottom of my heap of emotions. but still, present.

i almost want to say that right now i am thankful for gratitude.

instead i will just say the obvious. i am deeply grateful for our walks in the woods.

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for reals

mama: for a long time it was just you and me.  daddy went to work in the morning and came home at night and you and i stayed home together all day.  we played, and ate food, and you still had milkies, and we napped together.  that is how our life was.  it was you and me all the time.  then the pea grew in my belly and then she was born.

bean: she was born in the bed.

mama: well, actually she was born on the bathroom floor.  you were born in a bed but she was born on the bathroom floor.

bean: no, she was born in the bed.  i was there.  i remember.  she was born in the bed and then when she came out she had a pistacio on her belly button.


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inspired by soulemama and then taken a bit further.

11:55 on a thursday.

proof of time

earlier chickpea was looking for a book

kitchen counter-ness

mama's lunch

creative play

kitchen floor (good place for discarded fleece)

hall sun light

these photo’s are officially unedited.

this is the truth of our messy life at home.

this is the pile of shoes in my front hall which could be lined of nicely if i took five minutes to do it but most days i don’t.


*monster title courtesy of the bean and his love of monster trucks.  monster totally = big.

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