soyala series III: a guest message

i have been working as an animal communicator for about ten years now.  the entire time i have worked i have tried to help people to find their missing animals free of charge.  sometimes months will pass without a missing animal call and sometimes i will get three calls back to back – like a test of my will and strength.

as test because the work is hard to do and it is often the case that i am telling the person who contacted me that their animal has crossed over.  if this person is using a telepathic animal communicator to help them locate their animal friend you can be certain that animal holds a very special place in their heart.  a place that is sacred and blessed and unconditional.

the power of the grief felt when a person loses their animal is not to be under estimated.  made especially intense when the situation involved a period of time in which the animal was unacccounted for, posters were made, fields and forests and parking lots and the shoulders of roads were searched over and over, names were called and whistles rang through the air.  there was longing for the search to end with the sight of our beloved teacher, friend, family member.

today i got to make such a call to a wonderfully devoted cat mama.  before i called i asked the spirit of her cat to come through me so that i would have help finding the words and thoughts that might help her through the news i was trying to share.  i called upon my spirit guides, i called upon soyala, and then i called her.

the message coursing through me was of the beauty of a full life, regardless of its length.  three years of being loved and cared for, of being fed and stroked, of being respected and given the freedom to roam the wild areas surrounding his home.  three years of a deep unconditional loving relationship with a human who understood him on a level that some relationships never attain.  three years can be an eternity of healing.  three years can be the most blessed life imaginable.  the time, three years, not even worth mentioning – the color, sound, movement that filled those years makes your heart burst open.

the message was so full i felt it shifting my cellular structure.  the combination of love flowing between the woman and the spirit of the cat was bursting through me and my eyes were crying.  i felt like there would never be a way for me to use words to tell someone on the other side of the country the feelings i was full of.  i hope that in some way the energy of the message reached her – i know the spirit of her cat is still woven tightly into her living energy.

the call was over and i sat in silence for a moment.  in a prayer without words.  then i stepped out into my front garden and rang my thai buddhist temple bells three times.  i cleared out the energy that was not meant for me and i thanked the spirit of the cat for his vibrant teaching.

i walked back inside and saw my bean sitting on the couch.

that love, that life, is what i want for my children.  suddenly i have a new vision of what i am trying to create.  i don’t know exactly what method of education i will chose, i might not always get the discipline right, i stumble over my words and boundaries nearly daily, but i know what i want their life to feel like.  i want it to be a wrapping around of love with the spaciousness of respect for their individual energies and the freedom to explore the wildness of their worlds.  i want it to be the deepest kind of relationship two energies can share bounded by the understanding that i am the parent and they are in my care.  i want to try to be creating the present moment so that life is full of richness in the now and not aimed at some future state of being.  i want them to share their life as a blessing, a gift, a healing lifetime.

thank you for the insight cat spirit friend.

thank you for the blessing of your vision and your life shared.

thank you universe.

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i believe

i believe it is possible to do my own inner work to benefit any relationship i am in.
i believe i can be my authentic self in the presence of other human beings that i know and do not know.
i believe in the power of family to heal with love even if the love doesn’t always look exactly the way we think it could would should.
i believe we all deserve healing.
i believe that any moment can be a part of the greater journey.
i believe in returning to the breath.
i believe in my body.
i believe i can run the ship and be letting go at the same time.

it seems that when we are standing, sitting, laying still life becomes a state of mind. so in those moments of physical stillness i am choosing to weave in the shimmering strands of belief that i want to hold me.

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if you are local

and you’d like to attend:

i will be giving a two hour presentation (with questions and answer time plus time to do a few quick communications for attendee’s) on plant and animal communication at powisset farm in dover, ma on august 21st.

i will be teaching a full day workshop where you will learn how to communicate telepathically with animals (or whatever you like!) in medfield, ma on august 28th.

if you are interested in attending or would like more information please contact me:
robinwoowoo at gmail dot com.

when i have links to this information hosted on the web i’ll add them!

and that is the that.

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soyala series II: on status updates

welcome to the second installment of the soyala series. if you missed the past posts please feel free to meet soyala, and read soyala series I. if you feel like soyala’s words might help you, you may submit questions in comments or you can email me robinwoowoo at gmail dot com.

the other day i was scrolling through the newsfeed on my facebook page and one status update i read caught my attention. not in a good way. it was one of those cynical, negative, intended to be funny type status updates but to me it just felt like a sad piece of news.

i found myself thinking about this status update several times throughout my day. i wondered if i was being lame and oversensitive. i wondered if i should unfriend people who make these kinds of updates. i wondered why i kept thinking about it. i got to wondering why it is that being cynical has gotten to be so hip. why is it cool to be flip?

then i paused. i thought about how i was feeling.
lonely.
i was feeling lonely in my desire to seek positivity.
and then i thought, maybe everyone feels this loneliness sometimes. maybe the woman with the cynical status update reads my updates and wonders why it is so cool to be new-agey. maybe she feels just as alone in her state of being as i sometimes feel in mine.

that felt like something important to realize.
but there was more i needed to know.

what do i do about the negative status updates of life?

dear sister, first remember that all thoughts you have are energy and all energy is forever. the thoughts you have about things you do not appreciate grow those very things. not just in the universe but in you. in your soul. like seeds taking plant you feed some of yourself to those things which you wish not to be.

in a situation like this it is really quiet simple. if something does not feel right/good/true to you then please see it and let it go. take the image, from meditation, of allowing the boats to travel down river. see, observe, accept as a part of some reality, and then let go. feeling negative is not helpful. not to any one/thing/moment.

allow yourself to be within a barrier of energy (blue egg). you see the world outside of your barrier but you do not let it shape you unless it is something that should be passing through your barrier and into your energy.

don’t worry – the universe will be sure to get any lessons you need in through the egg shell. (HA!) you work on holding the shell and the universe will be sure that the things you must have make their way to you. you won’t miss out in your effort to filter.

but if we always just sit back in the world staying away from that which does not please us then we are not living a life of loving service. so listen here, if you can feel what should be when you see what is then you take hold of that and let it be your energy. if you can be absorbed in the positive action of creating something then you have found a path worth taking.

feel the difference. sometimes you are around something that does not sit with you and all you are thinking is “i do not like this.” in that moment use the river. do not allow your negativity to take over. bring awareness and then let go. hold yourself in your egg. be strong and full of love and be full of the path which is right for you. this does not include judging others. it includes knowing what is YOU and being that which is YOU.

other times you may hear something that does not feel right to you and your reaction is to bring healing or positive change to the moment. you are not filled with the grey clouds of wishing not. you are filled with the coursing light of creating energy. in those moments you may seek the way to create what it is that is right for you.

does this include changing the world?
perhaps it could.
or changing one other person.
or changing one moment for one other person.
it could.
but it does – yes – include the change that takes place within you. that is the boat we are sailing.
send your “i don’t want that” down stream. take your “i do want this” and create your life. your life will feed other life. all thought creates energy and energy is forever.

note: when i am receiving this information from soyala it is much more layered than simply words. there are feelings and a sense of just understanding what she means. she also references things that are familiar to me (ex. the river metaphor and the blue egg). i am doing my best to get it typed out here but it is impossible for me to include each sensation i have. with that said, i am open to discussing any of this further, answering questions, explaining anything that makes sense to me based on everything i get but feels cloudy to others just reading the text. so, don’t hesitate to ask!

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soyala series I: the list

some days i make battle with the ever running lists in my head:

walk the dog.

take beanie to preschool.

get to the grocery store.

buy plants for the whiskey barrels in front.

meet mom to help with horse ride.

plant the veggies in the back.

return library items.

pick up bean from school.

what is for lunch?

wash diapers.

fold laundry.

what is for dinner?

did i make the beds this morning?

did the breakfast dishes get cleaned up before we left the house?

yikes, poop explosion in the car.  pull over, find wipes, change diaper, look for clean clothes in diaper bag, look for a bag to put poopy diaper/pants/dress in..

oh, an iced coffee would be good.

shoot running late for school pick up.

great, the pea is having a massive tantrum and won’t get in her carseat.

i am late for pick up!

we are too late for this tantrum!

try distraction, try brute force, try playfulness, try not to scream myself.

ok fine.  soyala, you say you will speak.  what do you do in these moments?

first, my friend, you need to shift from your head to your heart.  in your head space you are creating energy that makes chaos.  in your heart you will find more stillness.  you will find energy that creates being.

close your eyes.

breathe.

move yourself to your heart place.

breathe.

yes, there you are.  when the list is driving you please answer with this movement first.

now turn your senses back on.  what do you see around you?  what do you hear?  what is touching your skin right now?  what are you feeling in your heart?

don’t run your life from your head.

if you need a list put it on paper.  write things down so that your mind is free from the task of constantly organizing you.

these are truly days of joy.  these are days of boundless love from your young children.  these are days of abundance.  the task list crowds out the joy of each moment.  the task list has you focused on getting done not on being through the doing.  there is no love in getting done.  on a good day i might argue there is NO POINT AT ALL in getting done.  getting done is not a life.

which doesn’t mean you do not do things.  you surely do.  you do go to the market to purchase food to nourish your family with.  you do find the time to plant herbs, to plant tomatoes, to plant flowers in your whiskey barrels.  you create a vibrant land on which to live.  you love that which you plant.

“but it’s not that easy,” you think.  yes.  easy itself is not what you are thinking.  easy is not seamlessly achieving small check marks.  the ease comes from your presence in the task.  the ease comes from within.  and when it is lacking in your energy then you reach out and tap into the divine.  she is always there, loving universe, god, divine light, to feed you the ease.  the ease is the grace of your being, being.  the ease is the breathing, the sensing, the feeling through each moment.

the ease is the moment that he cries out that he is not ready to leave school and so you tuck you list into your pocket and you kneel down and hold his still so terribly small four year old body in your arms.  you just hug him and you don’t ask what is wrong and you don’t ask why not and you don’t think but but but.  you wrap him in the ease of your love and you feel the ease arise within your own energy.  there is nothing to get done.  you are doing life.  in that simple holding.

so you see, you do it.

already.

you just have to allow yourself to continue.

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friday rolled around

i stayed up too late last night reading a book on knitting and then the pea decided to wake up a million and a half times to whine and nurseandnurseandnurse. this morning i was a little done with it. when she asked me about 3.68 seconds after we got out of bed for, “milkies side milkies milkies mama side milkies,” i got snippy and then flash asked me if i got up on the wrong side of the bed.

i am not about to give up on my nursing relationship and i am most of the time a-okay with it but there are moments when she is obsessed with the nursing and i just want a few minutes to make my coffee, or fold some laundry, or check my email, without a small person attached to my breast.

two hours later i had finally gotten us all dressed and ready and our bags packed so we could leave the house. (us all = me, pea, bean, castle james — although i don’t have to dress him.)

we drove to my parents house and that is where my day started to change. i took castle james and one of my parents dogs out for a run. i ran for 25 minutes through fields and along paths in the forest. honestly, a few months ago when i started this couch to 5k running plan i could barely jog the 60 seconds it started with. now, about two months later, i can run for 25 minutes. holy crap. (pardon me.)

i actually enjoy it now. especially the running with our dog part. oh, and the running in the woods part. oh, and the part where i feel proud of myself for getting this far.

after my run i asked my mom if she would mind watching the kids for a few more minutes so i could shower. and she said, “sure go ahead.”

if you are a stay at home parent with two young kids then maybe you know what a treat this is. a run and then a real true shower. not a baby wipe rubbed around your arm pits and neck while you simultaneously pee and try to find a pair of cleanish jeans to pull on. a shower.

it was only one hour later than the time i had finally left our house. it has only been two months since i set out to learn how to run. i have only been thinking about why i eat (and drink) for two days. but, the truth is change happens. i think it happens constantly. at times i am directing it and setting intentions and holding awareness and reveling in the change. other times i am sucked along for the ride. life is totally impermanent.

if that doesn’t make all the should’s reveal themselves as a hoax then i am not sure what does.

i might have to go looking for the lecture a brilliant dog gave me once on the fact that time and space do not exist. now there is some life changing information.

happy friday people.
happy changing.
happy discovering the spot you believe you are in right this moment.
happy breathing.
happiness.

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and god

yesterday evening i watched the oprah show on which she hosted geneen roth, the author of the new book “women food and god”. it made me think.

what kinds of things do i do when i am losing touch with my core self, my higher self, god, the universe?
when are my actions trying to fill a void that can only be filled by that connection?

i am not going to run around collecting answers to those questions right now. i think sometimes it is equally important to sit with the power of the question itself. that is my intention. my intention is attention.

yesterday i sat here writing about accepting myself as i am. loving myself right now. geneen roth said on the show that we cannot hate ourselves enough to get to a place where we are happy. oh yes, that resonated with me. belittling myself does not bring about change. it brings about hiding out in a frozen little corner of shame and doubt.

what makes me live in ways that feel good is, funnily enough, feeling good.

i don’t have a nice tidy package to wrap this post up in. i just feel like the universe is conspiring to show me, remind me, again and again how important it is for me to foster my love for my self. it might be the most important thing i can do for my children and my family. i don’t mean that i love myself when my house and clean, and the kids are eating carrots, and the laundry got folded and put away right after i finished my 3 mile run. i mean, i need to find the path to loving myself when play dough is smashed into the rug, the mornings oatmeal is still congealing on the counter, i haven’t showered since the weekend, and i just ate half of a chocolate chip muffin.

maybe i am talking about transcendence. maybe not. doesn’t really matter what we call it. i am trudging up my path on the mountain. i am thankful for any insight that shows me a nice trail to follow.

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you don’t have to Change to change

i am trying to fill out the forms and get organized to complete my master’s degree finally — again.

each time i work on this process i struggle so much.  my friend aptly said it was like i trying to go upstream while dragging my anchor through the sand.  yep.

i wish i didn’t make it so hard on my self.  i wish i was less emotionally messed up about it.  i wish i could just fill out the forms and take the class and do it with some joy and pride and be done and feel grateful for the classes i took and the work i did and the degree i get.

the truth is that is not where i am at about it.  and even though i haven’t changed my crazy mixed up feelings  just talking through it a little bit and bringing more awareness to where i am at shifted things.  i didn’t have to Change to change.  i just had to see a little more clearly what pieces of the management team i am working with, thank them for their help, honor their concerns, ask them if they might be able to feel safe quieting down, and remember to like myself despite my vast archipelago of slightly insane self defense team members.

are you struggling with something these days?  are you dragging yourself upstream with your anchor down in the sands?  are you frustrated that you can’t just Change how you are or Change what is in your way and so you shut your eyes and continue slugging up your path just hoping that the way you are will work out in the end?

we all do it sometimes i think.  here i was this morning doing it myself and pretending not to know any better – actually i wasn’t pretending, i didn’t know any better.  i needed help.  i needed my friend to happen to answer the phone when i called with a specific question about the form i was working on and then to realize i needed a little more help than that and then say a few insightful things.

those insights opened my eyes just enough.  and then i remembered my totally amazing therapist who i haven’t seen in way too long telling me last fall that sometimes what i needed to do was sit with awareness of what wasn’t working.  just watch it – not force myself to find the right way to change Now.  through this practice i realized that just watching, just being aware, shifted the power and allowed the space for change.  maybe not Change, but change.  and sometimes that is enough for today.

sometimes you have to fight to change.  sometimes you don’t.  sometimes you just have to watch the resistance and allow yourself your own pace.

and with your own pace a good dose of peace, love and joy.

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simple truth

don’t let perfect get in the way of good.

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on getting unstuck

i was sinking into the house of illness. leaving the shades in the bedrooms drawn and the yesterdays clothes on the floor of the bathroom. both kids were coughing and sneezing and feverish and clinging to me through day and night. meek voices, loud coughs, streaming noses and tears. i could feel my own body fighting off the same virus. i am sore and tired and stuffed up and achey. but it barely is worth mentioning or noticing your own illness when the kids are that sick. we got hit so hard.

we got hit so hard and i was sinking into it. so yesterday i set myself to the task of inspiring. flash asked me, amidst the running noses and viral tantrums, how i spend so much time with them without yearning for a break? this is a question difficult to answer. i do need breaks but i find them in the quiet moments of the day. when they fall asleep at night and then i stay a moment to kiss them in the silence marked by their deep breathing. when i sink onto the couch after finishing the tidy up. these are my breaks.

i think it is worth noting as well, and i said to him, this is what i do. i couldn’t take on another person’s job without wondering how on earth they do it. but this is it for me. it is what i do. my body, my heart and soul, we are used to the rhythm and pace of this work. as with any full time commitment there is an ebb and flow of ease. some times being a full time parent and earnest homemaker just happens. i wake and get to it and the day passes by with smiles and homemade bread and pots of kale soup. train tracks are built and cleaned up and pictures are drawn for daddy. we eat healthy snacks and catch ourselves laughing and playing outside for longer than anticpated on a cold day. then i sneak in a quick vacuum with them trailing after me with their vacuums. those days i feel accomplished and sure i am on to something good.

then other times i sink into a house of illness. it feels like every room is overrun with dust bunnies and misplaced toy bits. i find stickers on the bottom of my shoe and catch myself cursing whomever chose white tile for our kitchen floor. the children keep falling into rumpled piles of tears at my feet begging, “hold me hold me.” i can’t think when was the last time the toilets were scrubbed or a carrot was eaten. the art decorating our walls is from at least a month ago. i can’t figure what to make for dinner.

i want to sit on the couch and sigh a lot and then perhaps take a moment to yell at someone. i want to watch television and have a pizza delivered. i eye my knitting basket wearily.

what is a woman to do when she is sinking into it?

i have learned over the last four years what i need. i need to reinspire myself. i need to dream big and eek out the baby steps to get us there.

me, i hit the books. i hit the blogs and the files on the yahoo groups. i seek the vision of the life i want for my children and my husband and my self. i begin to imagine it is truly possible. even just dreaming what it would be like starts to lift my fog. i suddenly see the sparkle in their eyes even if it only lasts for thirty seconds and is followed by more sick tears. i sit on the floor and ask, “have i told you today how much i love you ?” i imagine what we can do tomorrow, and tuesday, and wednesday. i take one more step in the direction of a rhythm. i set another layer of goals down in my mind. i ask myself to do more for them and instead of overwhelming me it lifts me up.

being stuck, sucked down, into the mire of their one and three year old emotions. wanting to plug them into something else so that you can stop feeling so sapped. of course it happens. and i am not saying i catch it right away and jump off the couch with my apron tied tight and lead us in a rousing hour of clapping games. no no. i sink down and get snappy and tread water like the best of them. it is just that i am learning how to move out of the stuck with more ease and grace. i don’t bother getting so angry with myself over it. i don’t fret and regret i simply follow my heart and mind in the direction that feels like it is igniting me. then i take the smallest step.

this morning it meant i pulled up the blinds, i threw open the windows, i stripped all the beds and made them up with fresh sheets. i invited the illness to exit our life. i brought in some energy and vigor. we drew pictures and hung them up. we built a tent/fort with a tunnel and every playsilk we have. i baked a loaf of bread and we had fresh cooked grains and chickpeas for lunch. i cleaned all the old food out of the fridge and handwashed the containers with my little helpers.

i still have a cold and i snapped the bean more than i should have when he needed me this morning. yes i did and i am sure to stumble over my feet as i seek out my path again and again this afternoon and evening and again tomorrow and on and on. seeking, falling, yelling, apologizing, kissing, wiping my hands, dreaming and creating our life. that is the work. it pushes me harder than anything i could have dreamed of doing with my life. i feel called to it. i feel blessed by it. it crushes me and makes me want to rebuild myself. it is a way of life and i constantly seek the sources that help me to grow into it. i let the work be life changing. i want it to be that big.

do you let your life move you? do you seek out your forms of inspiration when you are stuck in the mud? do you thank the universe for giving you each challenge more insane than the last so that you get to grow and grow and learn in this lifetime? do you know that to dream is to bring into being? do you jump start your joy?

try it out. i dare you.

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