yesterday was flash’s birthday.
the kids and i drove to one of our favorite local spots and chose a cake.
at 11:30am we ate the cake for the first time.
this afternoon i sat down with beanie for his third slice of cake since the purchase.
we were alone together.
sitting in the quiet.
i got to thinking about talk –
why i try to have a conversation with him sometimes.
he seems old enough.
whatever that means.
i think sometimes i talk to him in an effort to let him know i am present with him.
it is a way to say, i am here paying attention to you.
so i ask him questions or try to engage him in conversation.
it never feels right though.
it never feels just perfectly right.
it feels more like ok sure ok right.
so today i tried a different tactic.
i am present, i told myself.
and then, “hi, i am present here sitting with you,” to the bean.
“we are eating cake,” i shared.
“we are eating cake,” he told me.
then he smiled at me.
i smiled back at him.