today i started week three of the couch to 5k program that i am trying to do.
i have found this experience to be not so different from taking up a new meditation practice. some days things seem to click and the time is over in an instant and i feel light and connected and present. other days the seconds drag through the sand of time and every part of my body feels tense and unpleasant and the chatter in my mind is almost impossible to quiet.
today was my first day of the third week of training. i loaded both kids into our new used double stroller and walked to beans preschool. we dropped him off and then i did my 25 minutes of walking and running with just the pea in the stroller. i much prefer the days when i am running on my own, without a stroller, and on the trails in the woods. i have to force myself to get these runs with the stroller on the pavement in and being that i am forcing myself to do it i tend to have a more challenging time of it. i was finishing my run today on the hill up towards my driveway, my right shin was bothering me a bit and my shoulders felt a little tight and i was frustrated that i was feeling so tired.
shush shush, i told myself, it is not supposed to be easy. if it was easy you wouldn’t need to do it.
and, you are doing it. maybe it is not easy but you are doing it. you are. you are starting your third week and you have stayed right on track. it is happening. you are doing it!
it was a pep talk. it worked. i felt a flush of pride. i was proud of myself for doing something that is hard for me, that is challenging, that i do not always love, that i think is good for me.
i am not sure what will come of it.
i am not sure how i feel about being prideful.
but, in that moment it seemed like the nicest little shift.
p.s. i totally deserve a dog.