on the day on which i celebrate the fact that my mom gave birth to me and i got another chance here on earth i decided to try to have a day without should’s and should not’s and instead just do what moved me. or us perhaps i should say since the kids are stuck on the ride with me.
- flash let me sleep late. sleep is always good.
- i came down stairs to find a small collection of birthday cards professing love from my family. sweetness.
- i made a green smoothie because they make me feel good. (spinach, blueberry, strawberry, kefir.)
- flash went to work and i was sad to be alone on my birthday but then i looked down and thought – i am so not alone. look at these kiddos!
- i drank a mug of hot coffee with agave and vanilla soy milk. then i made a second one.
- i took some bread dough out of the fridge to rise for baking today – even though i wasn’t sure if i wanted to be home this morning to bake it.
- i printed out the recipe for homemade bouillon that i have been eyeing since she put it up.
- i decided i wanted to take a shower even though that might mean it took too long to get ready for us to leave the house if i wanted to leave the house.
- i decided to shave my legs even though i might run out of hot water. i had plugged the drain so the kids had a few inches of water to sit in – so when the hot water did run out i just used the luke warm water they were sitting it and i decided not to feel guilty about getting hair shavings in their water.
- while the kids played happily in the water i thought might be too cold and dirty for them i dried off and got dressed in what i wanted to wear, regardless of whether it was hip or dorky. regardless of if i looked fat in it. (comfy nursing bra, old tank top, purple cowl neck top, navy blue fleece lined zip up hoodie, black patterned holey tights, army green mid calf skirt, knee high brown ugg boots.)
- i dressed the kids on comfortable clothes that didn’t quite match.
- i looked at the clock and thought if we really moved along we could get out the door in time to drive to whole foods and buy some nice ingredients for the bouillon.
- i told bean, “if we pick up the pace a little bit we can go to the store!”
- he said, “where do we find the pace?”
- i got all giddy happy about how cute he is.
- i considered whether driving to whole foods to buy produce to make homemade bouillon with is a good thing to want to do for your birthday. i remembered that i was not doing should or should not today.
- we got bags packed, boots on, hats on, coats on and out the door and i didn’t clean up breakfast or the morning toys!
- i thought the snow falling lightly as we drove the back roads between my town and dedham was so beautiful it felt like a birthday treat. light snow. love it.
- i browsed the bulk foods section just for fun letting myself read the different lentil and grain names and imagine what i could make with them. promising myself i’d be back for some of them another day.
- i got some nice olives and feta.
- i let chickpea eat an apple in the cart.
- i picked out a bottle of cheap wine. then i picked out another one!
- when we were done shopping and done using the restrooms we came out and saw a cart with a car attached left by the back entrance of the store. both kids wanted to sit in the car part (there was not one available when we arrived). instead of listening to, “we need to hurry up and get home. chickpea is getting tired. they should just be in the cart we already have.” i let them climb in. then i transferred all our grocery bags to the cart with the car even though there were other parents watching who might have thought i was being silly or permissive. i just did it because what was it to me and it made them happy. just because. it was exhilarating. it was awesome. i loved it!
the house is kind of a mess right now. bean is watching arthur on the tv. the bread i took out this morning got a 3 hour rise instead of a 1 hour rise. i forgot to put the avocado on my leftover’s salad for lunch. i am truly, deeply, happily enjoying our day today. i am wondering if perhaps i the gift i am giving myself this year is to realize that it does not have to take a birthday to be nice to my self. it does not have to happen only once a year that i wave good bye to the should and should not voices and instead i chose to simply enjoy life. simple. joy. life.
it could be that it is easier on a birthday. i think though, that i shall give it a shot more often. now that i have the feeling here in my body it will be easier to replicate.
you know what is the one thing that could make this day even better? if you all would share it with me by doing a few things in your day today just because. just because the mood strikes you. just because it will make the kids smile. just because you like browsing bulk grains. don’t listen to the voices in your head telling you that you should not leave the house when you have bread dough rising. listen to the voice of woowoo mama saying, “it is my birthday and i want some homemade bouillon.”