bob marley is singing me a lullaby and the pea is sleeping in my favorite and often mentioned black cherry pfau. i am thinking about our ability to shape our lives with our thoughts and intentions. yesterday i was in a foul mood for so many reasons i think its best to put them in a box and seal the lid shut.
i spent the early evening at a semi-chaotic dinner birthday party playdate which lifted my mood enough for me to do some knitting after the kids fell asleep and then open my journal. i remembered reading this post over at creative kismet a little while ago. the post had me thinking again about the power of stating intention, or of positive self talk, or of creating my experience of my self and my life.
when i was in high school i had a few friends who were a little older then me and they were really into being nice, kind, and supportive. they would leave a note up on the note board for one another that was just a nice drawing and a reminder to “smile.” or that said “you are fantastic have a great day.” i was kind of lucky to fall into their favor and their positivity was much needed. i tried to spread the love and i remember at least one of my friends in my own class being the type to leave me similar sweet encouraging notes (hey jenny if you are reading). this was a kind of unstudied attempt at simple joy. smile. be happy. you are great.
later on in life i came to be in possession of the book becoming a practical mystic which encouraged you to start each day by telling yourself two things you would be that day. for example, wake up and state “today i will be calm and centered.” or, “today i will feel happy and full of peace.” i did follow this practice for quite some time and i was fairly hugely surprised by how much of a difference one minute of focused intention stating could change my day to day life.
as i twirled around in the dark waters yesterday i wondered if it might be time to work a little harder on me. i am sure it is no small sign that i am deeply annoyed that carrie over at the parenting passageway for spending twenty days on becoming a more mindful mother (read self improvement and introspection). if something that would usually appeal to me sounds like too much work it tends to be great big waving in the storm red flag.
last night i took out my beloved oil pastels, and my blank page journal, and i started off big (trying to be accepting of the fact that i do not have the skills of ms. creative kismet) and filled a page with “i am seeking joy, peace, love, happiness.”
that was all good and true but in a moment of clarity i realized that i had to make the shift more — concrete? real? true? powerful?
i turned the page and stated “i already have and will continue to be blessed with a life filled with joy, peace, love and happiness.” it filled the page. it felt a little bit like a lie but i squashed that talk and i remembered that i am NOT my thinking self. and it is that darn thinker who is in there shrieking “we are not peaceful and happy why are you saying that!” i checked in with my true self and she felt like pure white light and that is pretty darn peaceful and joyous. you know? so be quiet all you thinkers.
i put away the pastels and spent one more page making statements about what today was going to be like. that i was going to be calm and patient and loving with my children. that i was going to be aware of my true self and able to quiet my inner thinkers. that i was going to create and be creative and write and feel loving and loved. i can’t remember what else i wrote but i filled that page right up.
it is not like today has been perfect but i dare even those thinker selves in to me to deny the improvement. we are all happier. nothing bad about that.
in the words of today’s lullaby:
emancipate yourself from mental slavery
none but ourselves can free our minds.
maybe when he wrote this he wasn’t thinking it would help some white girl in america to quiet her inner demons. but, i wouldn’t put it past him. the man is a genius.