it is monday and i have not worn chickpea and bounced her for her nap since thursday. since she was born i have put her on my front in a wrap and bounced her gently on my birthing ball for at least a part of one nap each day. as she has gotten older she sleeps longer in her crib, she naps only once a day, i wear her like this less. and at the same time she has come to show me how much she loves it more. now, when she wakes up but is really not ready to be done with her nap and she sees me walk into her room holding a wrap she reaches out her arms for me. when i pick her up and slide her into the first front wrap she sighs, snuggles her head into my body, and wraps her arms around me. i keep wondering if she will grow up and start to refuse to sleep in her wrap, something the bean did more and more as he got older, but she seems the opposite. she seems like she wakes up in her crib and thinks, this nap would be much nicer on mama.
and when i scoop her up and wrap her tightly to me she is closing her eyes again almost before i have tied the knot. she is quietly sucking her pacifier which she really only does in these wrapped nap moments, she is not fighting me she is hugging me. she is soft, and sweet, and warm, and snuggly. she smell just like my baby girl.
today i picked her up and felt her lean into me and settle into her spot as i wrapped and i took a moment to hug her tight and kiss her soft baby hair and just appreciate this feeling. we all have those moments with each child that are pure and full of the grace of love. uninhibited, unconditional, unquestioned, love. this is the gift and today i say i thank you. and i wrap and i bounce with great joy my thirteen month old baby. baby. and i promise not to wonder how much longer i will do this for. instead, i will trust the process. eventually it won’t have been a few days since i last wore her for a nap but a few months and then a few years. i will never regret these sweet sleepy moments spent with her. not ever ever.