i do keep trying to write but nothing that comes out feels good enough and i am finding the whole experience to be so — trying. i am angry that the thing that used to be a nice form of me time, writing on my blog, has become such an inner battle with my self. i am annoyed that i am still that girl that can feel so crap about herself. i am ready to move on or get back to it or something. i just don’t want to have to try so hard.
ok guides, help me here. help me help me help me.
well it is not like you have not done any work. each night that you have asked for healing for that piece of yourself you have received it. what you need to do is try to find that same place to write from. silence the voices in your head so that you may hear more clearly what the ideas ought to be. write not for healing, but for the process of writing. accept the fact that it may be difficult and scary and you might not sound pleasing to others. but also, it might not be so difficult. the words might be laying right there in your heart and you are just having some trouble walking towards them.
if you want to walk towards the words then you might find that this is a good time in your life for some more structured journeying. putting a little more emphasis on the ceremony will ground you and will add power to the healing aspects of the work. and you may want to ask specifically to bring the healing into you work here. intention is a wonderful thing and you have been working on healing with intention set on your personal interactions. the space of writing is not what you have focused on. you can do that. shift your focus. it is not only acceptable but admirable for you to try to focus some healing on your writing self, and it is safe as well. the universe will answer you.
we also want to encourage you to seek joy and fun. what heals the heart more than laughter, smiles, peace, happiness? bring your writer to these occassions of joy and encourage her to join you. ask her to smile and be proud of her efforts and her commitment and the moments when the writing has brought you closer to your true self. thank your writer for allowing those moments to come into reality. what a blessing she is.
and let us remind her that she is loved and lovable. deeply. here now you can feel it, that we love her not for her ability to please others but for her ability to draw connection for you and to help you find peace and tranquility and flow and oneness. yes it can be found in other ways and it is but it is also in the practice of sitting down and finding the words. honor the craft and the process.
and why don’t you come and sit again tomorrow and we can keep working. i will be here. god will be here, and the loving universe, and your heart, and the piece of you that is hurting, and the parts of you that like to have a forum to share experience, and the piece that writes to elucidate life.
go ahead and post now. because truly, it does not matter if readers read or what they may think. you may still care, and we can hold onto that together. either way you are loved. and loved. and loved.