6:45 it is safe to get out of bed. 6:44 is a no go. i had to get up and get my own teeth brushed and get the pea nursed and my coffee poured and be out the door driving through the rainy morning by 7:15. 7:14 might be ok also but 6:14 is not. (but i digress.)
last night i left the house to go to an workshop held at a local mama’s house on using herbs for their healing properties. it was my first time being away from the house for bedtime since chickpea was born (at 5:43, good girl). i was nervous about how it would go. anticipating the difficulties of two sick kids missing their mama at bedtime. the pea is somewhat more flexible than her brother. the bean has gone to sleep for flash about 10 times total since he was born. and none of them recent.
when i got home the pea was sleeping soundly and the bean was sitting on the couch, wearing the same thing he was when i left the house, glazed and over tired eyes glued to the bright colors on the tv screen. “mama,” he said, and he climbed up into my arms and put his head on my shoulder. it was a perfect fit. it would have been nice for all of us if he had gone to sleep for flash. or even if he had gone upstairs. or say, put on his pajama’s. but we’ll do baby steps. the baby was asleep and i had gone out.
i took him right up and put his sagging body in its cotton dinosaur pajama’s and laid down with him and in about three minutes he was sound asleep. with his arms wrapped around my neck and his stuffed nose whistling and purring. i slipped out of bed and went downstairs to get the post game report from flash.
while i was out i had a glass of wine. i learned how to make some all natural bug spray and some yummy tea. i met a few new people and managed to smile once or twice i think. it was good to go out. it was good to come home. everything was pretty good. i was laying in bed feeling slightly engorged and trying to decide if i should dream feed the pea or just wait for her to wake. she’d been up at 11 the night before and it was 10:29 and she was still sick so i anticipated a similar night of wakings. 11, 11:45, 12:23, 1:37, 2:51, 4:01, 4:39 and so on. is it worth doing a dream feed to help slightly engorged breasts when i will be awake again to feed in less than 29 minutes? i decided it was not.
instead i decided to go talk to my spirit guides. one in particular. my main human form teacher. i asked her if there was anything i should be doing right now, and she was glad i had remembered that i blog under the name “woowoo mama” and decided to do some woowoo. “get your covenish back together,” she told me. “try wotw and redbird and if they can’t do it you must go find other women.”
so i have asked redbird and wotw if they want to reconvene because i cannot begin to imagine meeting new women to covenish with. maybe i shouldn’t be throwing the word covenish around without really knowing what it means. we gather to woowoo and sit in some kind of a very malleable circle that opens and closes to hold bean and pea as needed or not. then we see what work we want to do and can do and where it goes. last time we were together we noted that we only needed one more woman present to be a “coven.” at least to our very limited and unresearched understanding. so i started thinking of us as “covenish.” you know, journeying, talking to the spirits, working on healing ourselves and others, eating, burning a little sage, setting up an altar. powerful women working with the power of the universe to seek healing. covenish.
just as i started drifting to sleep i head the sound of the pea calling me over her monitor. (yes when i go to sleep i have two monitors next to me.) so i got her. it was 11:01. and the beginning of another night of repeated wakings and stuffy noses and nursing and wanting to sleep on top of mama. that’s ok though. we all need to be held sometimes. in a circle, in an embrace, with our snotty noses, with our whining selves, by a covenish, by our life partner, by our therapist, by our friends, a good bottle of white wine, or our spirit guides. seeking that holding and knowing the power of help kind of gets us through. knowing we are in for some good help might even help us get out of bed for the day at 6:45 after a night with very little sleep. but not at 6:44. 6:44 is truly no good.