i have been exploring twitter recently which is a win lose situation. on the win side there are some funny people out there and reading their quips and looking at links they put up is entertaining and occasionally enlightening. on the lose side i have yet another social media to spend my time on and yet another way to compare myself to others and come up short.
not that anyone on twitter is telling me i am mediocre or anything. (and not just because i seem to be the only one who uses that word.) its just that i read these little updates and i have to stop and think, “what?” sometimes when i look around my cluttered house with camera’s and arbonne products on the kitchen counter, cloth diapers and shipping boxes on the dining room table, toys in every room including the bathrooms, i can tell myself it is ok because i am very busy taking care of my two kids. or even, on my more judgmental days i might think that people with cleaner homes must not be parenting as attentively as they could, or that they are perfectly wonderful parents but they are not ap and i have chosen to be ap and thus i get less done.
but then i get on twitter and there are these potentially great, maybe ap, mom’s and dad’s on there who are tweeting away about their swept homes, and line dried laundry, and early morning 5k runs, and late night shredding and i am a little unnerved. i can’t help but compare myself and conclude that i am falling short. i do not have this whole thing down. i might be a farce. i do still spend some time every day with the chickpea in her wrap snuggled in on my chest for a nap. and i don’t get much done during that except laptop type things. i don’t really want to say goodbye to this nap time together, snuggled with my baby, bodies fitting nicely together, feeling her move through sleep cycles. this is the last baby after all. when she is done with the nap thing i will never do it again.
but still, i can’t help but feel i am falling short. disorganized. untidy. not working out enough days a week. garden not weeded and mulched, some plants still not planted, laundry in the washer and drier that should have been folded and moved this morning to make room for me to start the next load, fridge full of who knows what. i could go on. it might be nice some day to see a succession of tweets about the things we have not finished. just so i didn’t feel so alone. i can’t be the only one out there with my mouth hanging open and my brain exploding. can i?