she is headed away from me,
with her foot slapping walk.
not quite a stomp.
and her little bottom rocking back and forth with each step.
her hands are high above head,
“like this? like this? up high in the sky?”
she is asking me.
as she walks away.
headed to the bathroom with the step stool.
“i go wash my hands with blue on them.”
she told me.
she is holding them up so she doesn’t get anything dirty on the way.
just how i taught her.
right now i know everything she knows.
i know each breath and sigh and word.
i know the pathways of her thoughts and her understanding of her world.
i know each time she poops or pees or doesn’t.
tonight after she is asleep i have to pack her lunch
for her morning in the toddler program at the school down the street.
the same school the bean goes to
at the same time.
this was set up to be my time for myself.
but watching that little bottom retreat to the bathroom
watching those paint covered hands float through the sky to the sink
instead i want to cry.