Archive for May, 2010

today i have that kind of off kilter feeling.  that combined with some acute soreness in my breast has me concerned about the possibility of developing mastitis again.  so, in honor of listening – i am going to listen to my body and go sit on the couch with the bean while chickpea naps.

peace to you and yours.

happy listening.

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this whole following my joy movement is proving to be freakishly fun.  it is the freedom to spend time on something because i want to.  it is the freedom to start things without worrying about when and if i might finish them.  it is the freedom to say to my inner nag, “oh, pipe down – i’m having fun!”

i have followed my joy to reading silly poems out loud to the kids while they are in the bathtub.

and to heidi and finn where i may just have grabbed a pattern i’d love to sew someday.  when i learn to sew.  but without deciding that if i don’t sew it this month i am a terrible person.

i followed my joy last night when she whispered to me that it would be nice to get a few extra hours of sleep. to sleep (crazy early) i went.

joy encouraged me to make an iced coffee and savor each sip on this hot day.

joy even came to my rescue when i was falling over tired during my exercise class this morning. you feel happy when you feel strong, she suggested to me. push yourself to the edge of your strength. be the strong woman you want to be. feel the joy of your muscles working hard and fight through the voices that tell you that you can’t do this. tell them, “shush, i am having fun!”

joyously i mix up herbal tea to suit my mood and chug down 40 or so ounces each afternoon. will i always mix herbal tea? will i mix tea tomorrow? should i spend more time on tea or less time on tea? never mind that – i am trusting the joy.

you know me. my days are not a happy ride on could nine for twenty four straight hours. i face my inner demons. i yell at my kids by mistake. i curse out the dog for teething on a shoe. i cry and moan my way through many a late afternoon early evening while i try to wrangle two kids, a puppy and myself through the end of the day while whipping up a delightful home cooked meal.

life is life is life.
and it is still life.
i’ve just added more joy.
i’ve added faith in joy.
i’ve made a new friend.

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the sound

this morning at seven i left the house and ran 2.5 miles through the nearby woods and fields with castle james.

i had my iphone in my hand and i was using an application to time/distance the run but i left the headphones at home.  it has been several weeks since i last listened to music as i ran.  it turns out, i like the sound of real life happening around me more than sound tracking my run.

i was reminded of how much has changed in the world, in our towns, in our society since the invention of the walkman.  a small, portable, system for tuning out of relationship with the world around us.  pop on your headphones and disappear into your own new land with music of your choice.  now you are excused from hearing the birds sing, the frogs calling to each other in the wetlands, your dog panting beside you.  with headphones on you won’t stop to say hello to the woman you pass every wednesday morning on the sidewalk.  you’ll barely even notice those kids playing in front of the yellow house you jog past.

i’ve been running to the soundtrack of the woods and my suburban town.  i think i’ll stick with it.

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trusting the joy

the kids had a blast this weekend dancing to some steel drum music at our friend’s birthday party.  it is always sneaky inspiring for me to watch the kids dance.  there is just something about it that gets under my skin.

the next night i reached for a few of my more waldorf focused books to read before bed.  they have been sitting, gathering dust as we say, on the bookshelf for close to two months now.  i had to step back from my big push to change it all and let us land where we landed.  at the time that i chose to step back i was part accepting of my decision, part relishing what felt like a move towards more freedom for myself, and also part upset with myself.  i believed that what i was aiming for with the waldorf influence was worthy and i felt like i was quitting on it.

in the end it has been a wonderful two months.  i didn’t let go of everything i had gained from my waldorf research at all…i just stopped working so hard at it and allowed the pieces that came to settle into our lives.  meanwhile, i found the time and energy to focus on doing things for myself.  just for myself.  my running, joining a workout class, taking a morning off to get my hair cut, reading a few novels.  i wasn’t doing it for my kids but in the process i have seen how much it means for them.  i feel good about it.

then last night i reached for the books again.  it is funny how they suddenly read so differently for me – they are making more sense and feeling more real – when what i thought i was doing was stepping away from it for a few months.

after reading a page i put the book down and grabbed my journal.  i jotted down, “the time has come to trust that the level of interest i feel in things is a good, honest, correct guiding force in my life.”

what i mean is that my interest in specific area’s of my life may wax and wane and instead of being upset with myself for being in this constant state of flux, instead of feeling like i am good at starting things but not finishing them, maybe i need to trust that my higher self is at work in this rhythm.  and she knows what we need in each moment and in each season of my life.

listening to her is listening to me and maybe that is a smart move – not something to be ashamed of.

do you find simple ways to trust the joy you find in your life?  to trust the joy to lead you where you need to be?  that is my new goal.  another pocket tool – joy trusting.

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take a moment to check out the really nice piece that my friend put together (starring yours truly) as the final project for her degree.

attachment parenting: a journey off the beaten path*

ok, in case you are as much as a youtube novice as i am i will point this out –  i just noticed the option in the lower right hand corner of the video area to select the picture quality. her photo’s are so nice — it is worth cranking up the quality if your computer/internet connection can handle it.

*edited to change the link to take you to the video hosted on my friend’s blog instead of the youtube page.

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i spent the morning cooking up a storm and now i am thoroughly enjoying gathering together a few things to create a little care package for some friends of mine who just had their second child. what can i say, i just like making food for people. it feels good. plus, flash and i always remember the meals dropped off by friends right after the pea’s birth as the best possible kind of help.

i wonder what the world would be like if we all took a few minutes each day to intentionally help another person or family? or what it would be like if we dedicated ourselves to the act of helping others for a full hour everyday?

i don’t know what the answers are. i do know how to cook – so i cooked.

(for the extra curious my delivery will include: mexican stew and toppings, braised cabbage and leeks with angel hair pasta, mushroom, goat cheese and sage quiche, two hand knit hats, an elsa beskow book, and a bottle of wine. and of course, i wouldn’t be me if i didn’t show up with a bag of baby carriers in case she needs to borrow something…)

happy helping thursday.
until tomorrow.
woowoo the cooking fool mama

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do you want direction?

starting next week i am going to be launching a little series of more focused posts on ways to shape and direct your life/practice/spiritual path in every day life.

if any of you have a question you would like me to work with/around/within please share it here in comments or you can submit it more anonymously by emailing me robinwoowoo at gmail dot com.

ask away…

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it takes a day

some days are more of a struggle. some days it is harder to remember how to do this new project, the one where i am learning to love myself no matter what. today i went for a run and then later i drove the same route to see what the mileage was. i should have been excited for myself – look how far i have come in the last two months – but instead i was disappointed that it hadn’t run farther.

for lunch i ate some more of the lovely mexican stew i made last night for dinner. it is nice and tasted good but when i was done i got upset with myself thinking i have been indulging more in food in the last few days and that means i am not going to have lost any weight this week. never mind enjoying a satisfying lunch after going for a 25 minute run this morning. instead i was busy feeling crappy about my weight.

feeling crappy about my weight made me want to eat some sweets. or make a fruit smoothie. but i am not in the mood to make a smoothie because i don’t want to clean it up. and my house is a mess!

instead i cut myself up an apple and then decided i wanted to eat it at my desk. i put it in one of the kids small plastic bowls. then i started thinking about how silly it is that we still use plastic for the kids plates and bowls when i think i am all “green” around the house. how can i still be using this ikea plasticware for my children? never mind that i use (mostly) cloth diapers, cloth wipes, cloth napkins, and even cloth paper towels! i recycle, i compost, i use all natural cleaners but today – oh today – i have to beat myself up over a few pieces of plasticware.

i don’t know what it is today.
i don’t know where my mean spiritedness is coming from.
i do know that i can love myself. i do know that i am able to quiet those voices and instead feel joy. so, without further ado i think i’ll decide to do that with the rest of my day.

and if i fail, for surely on a day like today i will fail again and again, if i fail then i will learn to love myself for failing.

knit that.

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the bean has the sweetest way of describing anything that was knit or sewn as something “mitted.”  the other day, talking about the flowers on his bed sheets, flash described them as “painted” on the sheets.  bean quickly corrected him, “no those are mitted on my sheets.  like when mama mitts something.”

this weekend i finished up some hats i have been working on as a new baby, older brother gift:

and i kept plugging away at my shawl:

i also managed to go out on both friday and sunday evening, run once, ride a horse twice, put clean sheets on some of the beds, do my food shop for the week, and do a little laundry.  not too shabby of a weekend.

last year a few friends and i decided we wanted to try sharing our weekly meal plans to help inspire one another.  we started a blog as the place to do the sharing.  within about two weeks the whole thing fell flat – only two of us had ever posted and it just didn’t seem worth the effort.  i recently decided that it couldn’t hurt to have a spot where i was posting my meal plan.  its easy enough if i skip sharing the recipes and just stick to a simple outline of my plan.  if anyone wants a recipe i am happy to put the effort into typing one out – just let me know in the comments!

now, in case you are looking for idea’s here she is:  bacon & cookies

take a peek, enjoy, and please feel free to share or link to your meal plan in the comments as well. i am always looking for ideas…

p.s. geneen roth actually took the time to leave a comment on the post i wrote the other day about my thoughts after watching her on oprah. how cool is that?!?!

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i stayed up too late last night reading a book on knitting and then the pea decided to wake up a million and a half times to whine and nurseandnurseandnurse. this morning i was a little done with it. when she asked me about 3.68 seconds after we got out of bed for, “milkies side milkies milkies mama side milkies,” i got snippy and then flash asked me if i got up on the wrong side of the bed.

i am not about to give up on my nursing relationship and i am most of the time a-okay with it but there are moments when she is obsessed with the nursing and i just want a few minutes to make my coffee, or fold some laundry, or check my email, without a small person attached to my breast.

two hours later i had finally gotten us all dressed and ready and our bags packed so we could leave the house. (us all = me, pea, bean, castle james — although i don’t have to dress him.)

we drove to my parents house and that is where my day started to change. i took castle james and one of my parents dogs out for a run. i ran for 25 minutes through fields and along paths in the forest. honestly, a few months ago when i started this couch to 5k running plan i could barely jog the 60 seconds it started with. now, about two months later, i can run for 25 minutes. holy crap. (pardon me.)

i actually enjoy it now. especially the running with our dog part. oh, and the running in the woods part. oh, and the part where i feel proud of myself for getting this far.

after my run i asked my mom if she would mind watching the kids for a few more minutes so i could shower. and she said, “sure go ahead.”

if you are a stay at home parent with two young kids then maybe you know what a treat this is. a run and then a real true shower. not a baby wipe rubbed around your arm pits and neck while you simultaneously pee and try to find a pair of cleanish jeans to pull on. a shower.

it was only one hour later than the time i had finally left our house. it has only been two months since i set out to learn how to run. i have only been thinking about why i eat (and drink) for two days. but, the truth is change happens. i think it happens constantly. at times i am directing it and setting intentions and holding awareness and reveling in the change. other times i am sucked along for the ride. life is totally impermanent.

if that doesn’t make all the should’s reveal themselves as a hoax then i am not sure what does.

i might have to go looking for the lecture a brilliant dog gave me once on the fact that time and space do not exist. now there is some life changing information.

happy friday people.
happy changing.
happy discovering the spot you believe you are in right this moment.
happy breathing.

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