on the one hand i want to be:
pretty
skinny
fit
well groomed
likable at a glance
on the other hand i want to:
love myself as i am
care more about inner beauty than outer
not worry so much about what other people think
on the one hand i want:
to simplify
to donate
to serve my community
to be unattached to things
to live life in tune with my higher self
on the other hand i like:
woven wraps
cloth diapers
wool to go over said diapers
shopping
a nice new dress
things that sparkle
sometimes i am such a seesaw and i wonder if the goal might just be to figure out how to balance and stop bopping up and down. it is a bit exhausting.
sbish wool is so worth loving
When I was a teenager I remember reading something by Thoreau in which he talked about how he changed his mind about keeping some crystals or stones inside his cabin because they accumulated dust and required cleaning. I think the idea was that beauty and nature was all around him and to bring it inside would be a waste of energy. I loved that idea of living so simply and for years I clung to the idea of being able to carry everything I owned on my back. Fast forward 15 years – today I and the new owner a double jogging stroller (similar in size to the cute Smart car that’s always parked across the street) that is so big it wont even fit through our front door. This is a long winded way of saying I feel conflicted and mixed up sometimes.
Ditto to Jane’s comments and this post. The worst part is feeling guilty about feeling conflicted, though I try to give myself credit for even putting energy towards defying materialism, which is, in my opinion, so rampant in the culture I’m living in (Northern Virginia . . . seems more so than other places in the U.S. where I’ve lived).
Thank you for your words (poetry) Robin. I always think about something new when I visit here.