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Archive for May, 2009

i want more woowoo

i have been thinking some about my own spirituality and wanting for a more regular looking “practice” in my life. there have been times when my guides have called for me to show the discipline to journey every day, or to practice some prayer every day. there have also been times when i have drifted to journeying only once a month or so and when i arrive and hang my head shamefully i am reminded that time and space do not exist and once a month could be every second for all the spirits care. their love and teaching do not cease to carry me even if i journey less often.

 

so all that is to say that i have had daily practice and no defined practice both and i find it all to be well and good and even supported. but lately i think a little focus might be a good thing for me. an element missing from my life that might help me stay centered and located where i want to be.

 

i am not sure what my practice should focus on so i am going to take a moment here to set my intention and see if a little communicating can clear things up for me. intention is sort of the fuel that runs the universe.  knowing, defining, and stating your intention is the key to life – in my most humble opinion. best to start there.

 

my intention is to bring a focus on my own spirituality back into my daily or weekly life so that i stay better in touch with my true self. i want to live as my true self, parent as my true self, interact with friends and family as my true self, be in my daily world as my true self, and take care of my house and land from my true self and heart.

 

 

the feeling you are looking for is a focusing in and a sense of balance. the key here is not to do more “woowoo” work for others but to spend a certain amount of time focusing and centering your self. moments of meditation would be helpful to you. this can be done with the children present and active as long as you are outdoors. the meditation can be a connecting fully with the present moment, observing the land and your children and the animals and the season, noticing thoughts that arise or judgments and then sending them downstream. you do not need silence and you do not need to envision this as a traditional meditation.


please also return to breath awareness throughout the day. your computer does not breath. you know? you do. find time to connect with your breath and with your natural breathing rhythms. notice. greet. enjoy. enjoy is the most important.

 

the work you are doing on planting and gardening is a part of your practice right now so be aware of that. dirt, seeds, plants, creation, care, attention, all these things are working for you right now to help you to get in touch with your true self. an intention to use the gardening as a form of practice will help you to get even more balance out of the time spent.

 

with that, please start working with the spirits of your land. yes, the land you live on was not nourished and loved for a long time and the spirits moved elsewhere. but they would be happy to return to you all you need to do is invite them and show them how serious you are about being a steward of their land. call out to them. ask them to come live with the peas, with your sage, in the grasses and leaves. as they settle into the land around your home, the land your home rests on, they will also fill your home itself with just the kind of energy you are seeking and thinking about.

 

yes, you are correct that the energy in your home and on your land is out of balance and that the area needs some love. you are able to love, the children by their nature love, your husband with his care taking shows love. now simply make your intention more clear. louder. call out to the spirits and welcome them home and ask them to help you care for the home and ask them what they would like their home to be like. listen when they speak. seek their counsel in your gardening.

 

and finally be grateful for your blessings. to have a home. to have land. a family to work on and with. love bountiful in your life. time each day to give thanks would center your heart and bring it into right vibrations.

 

as always, we are here with you. if you feel pulled off course simply ask for help to feel right again. rest in our loving embrace where you are whole and strong and bursting with white light from within. that is the truth. the one truth, of course, is love.

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the nap

after some effort she naps.

peace 1 – critical voices 0

woohoo
woowoo

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driving that train

…we are departing our home shortly to go brave a night at a friends house to celebrate a birthday.  hopefully the kids don’t fuss pot too much on the long drive.  and then they play nicely.  and then pea takes her second nap ok.  and then they eat enough not to be cranky.  and then they go to sleep.  and then the night isn’t too too rough for me. and within all that i hope i get in touch with my true self and bring her instead of the critical voices that sometimes take over and make socializing more difficult.

and peace too. a train load of peace. joy. love. woowoo.

 

and maybe while i am gone the universe will find the people for my diapers!

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her very first latch

her very first latch

 

 

 

it is changing.

my baby suckling is growing up.

she has a top tooth.

and no, it doesn’t hurt with teeth.

and no, i don’t care that she is almost one we will not be weaning.

 

as i rock her to sleep though i feel that pinch.

the familiar pinch.

of a top tooth.

just nestling in next to my nipple.

not biting.

not hurting.

no pain.

just present.

hello tooth.

and with that hello i feel the shift.

the feeling of nursing a toddler. 

an older nursling.

the kind that signs, and eventually asks with words.

the kind that nurses standing.

and sitting.

and upside down

and downside up.

while walking and talking or singing or dancing.

 

none of that happens today.

today i just say hello top tooth.

and i watch her eye lids sink,

lower,

and lower, and lower.

and close.

and i feel her sucking slow to a sleeping pattern.

suck suck suck.

rest.

suck suck suck

rest.

slower and slower.  

softer and softer.

 

i know she is asleep and i can put her down for her short time asleep alone.

but i hold her longer.

remembering how recently it was that she was born.

that she first latched on.

that i marveled at nursing a little tiny baby.

a little tiny mouth.

a mouth full of gums.

a mouth with no teeth.

i blinked.

blink blink blink.

rest.

blink blink blink.

rest.

and suddenly we had the tooth pinch.

 

no, it does not hurt.

 

hello tooth.

hello growing up girl.

hello second nursling.

snuggled into my breast.

warm, and limp with sleep and filled with my milk and love.

 

finally i stand up and put her down to sleep a bit.

knowing i will nurse her again in a few hours.

and days.

and weeks.

and months.

and years, if she wants.

why would i not?

hello teeth.

hello growing up nursling.

hello deep unfathomable love.

hello.

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a diaper prayer

dear universe,

 

i have a bunch of diapers that i have used a bit and loved and taken very good care of.  i paid full price for them and bought them all new.  they are in great condition and are not stained or anything.  the fit is just not great on my daughter anymore.  i would really like if the person who should have these diapers could please come across my for sale or trade post over a diaperswappers so that i could sell them to the person who should have them for a very reasonable price and then i could get her some more diapers that fit her well.  in fact, universe, i have a bunch more diapers i have not even had time to list over at diaperswappers that i would love to sell too.  so maybe the person that needs those is more available?  i would go either way you like.  i am not trying to make any money or anything.  there must be a family out there who would be well served by these diapers.  i am open to lowering my price for them to go to the right family.  i just need help finding that family please so i can sell them on.  now i am burning some sage to send my prayer on up and sprinkling some sage on the ground to send it down.  dear loving universe please send me the people who need these diapers.

 

thank you so much.  i believe my prayer has been answered.  thank you.

 

woowoo mama

just two of the many diapers i want to sell.

just two of the many diapers i want to sell.

12 diapers for sale i have not listed yet

12 diapers for sale i have not listed yet

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6:45 it is safe to get out of bed.  6:44 is a no go.  i had to get up and get my own teeth brushed and get the pea nursed and my coffee poured and be out the door driving through the rainy morning by 7:15.  7:14 might be ok also but 6:14 is not.  (but i digress.)  

 

last night i left the house to go to an workshop held at a local mama’s house on using herbs for their healing properties.  it was my first time being away from the house for bedtime since chickpea was born (at 5:43, good girl).  i was nervous about how it would go.  anticipating the difficulties of two sick kids missing their mama at bedtime.  the pea is somewhat more flexible than her brother.  the bean has gone to sleep for flash about 10 times total since he was born.  and none of them recent.

 

when i  got home the pea was sleeping soundly and the bean was sitting on the couch, wearing the same thing he was when i left the house, glazed and over tired eyes glued to the bright colors on the tv screen.  “mama,”  he said, and he climbed up into my arms and put his head on my shoulder.  it was a perfect fit.  it would have been nice for all of us if he had gone to sleep for flash.  or even if he had gone upstairs. or say, put on his pajama’s.  but we’ll do baby steps.  the baby was asleep and i had gone out.

 

i took him right up and put his sagging body in its cotton dinosaur pajama’s and laid down with him and in about three minutes he was sound asleep.  with his arms wrapped around my neck and his stuffed nose whistling and purring.  i slipped out of bed and went downstairs to get the post game report from flash.  

 

while i was out i had a glass of wine.  i learned how to make some all natural bug spray and some yummy tea.  i met a few new people and managed to smile once or twice i think.  it was good to go out.  it was good to come home.  everything was pretty good.  i was laying in bed feeling slightly engorged and trying to decide if i should dream feed the pea or just wait for her to wake.  she’d been up at 11 the night before and it was 10:29 and she was still sick so i anticipated a similar night of wakings.  11, 11:45, 12:23, 1:37, 2:51, 4:01, 4:39 and so on.  is it worth doing a dream feed to help slightly engorged breasts when i will be awake again to feed in less than 29 minutes?  i decided it was not.

 

instead i decided to go talk to my spirit guides.  one in particular.  my main human form teacher.  i asked her if there was anything i should be doing right now, and she was glad i had remembered that i blog under the name “woowoo mama” and decided to do some woowoo.  “get your covenish back together,” she told me.  “try wotw and redbird and if they can’t do it you must go find other women.”

 

so i have asked redbird and wotw if they want to reconvene because i cannot begin to imagine meeting new women to covenish with.  maybe i shouldn’t be throwing the word covenish around without really knowing what it means.  we gather to woowoo and sit in some kind of a very malleable circle that opens and closes to hold bean and pea as needed or not.  then we see what work we want to do and can do and where it goes.  last time we were together we noted that we only needed one more woman present to be a “coven.”  at least to our very limited and unresearched understanding.  so i started thinking of us as “covenish.”  you know, journeying, talking to the spirits, working on healing ourselves and others, eating, burning a little sage, setting up an altar.  powerful women working with the power of the universe to seek healing.  covenish.

 

just as i started drifting to sleep i head the sound of the pea calling me over her monitor.  (yes when i go to sleep i have two monitors next to me.)  so i got her.  it was 11:01.  and the beginning of another night of repeated wakings and stuffy noses and nursing and wanting to sleep on top of mama.  that’s ok though.  we all need to be held sometimes.  in a circle, in an embrace, with our snotty noses, with our whining selves, by a covenish, by our life partner, by our therapist, by our friends, a good bottle of white wine, or our spirit guides.  seeking that holding and knowing the power of help kind of gets us through.  knowing we are in for some good help might even help us get out of bed for the day at 6:45 after a night with very little sleep.  but not at 6:44.  6:44 is truly no good.

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some friends and i thought we’d start a place where we could share meal plans and recipes so we launched “bacon & cookies.”  it is very bare bones right now and i am not sure any of us have the time or skills to make it any better.  but, i did get my meal plan for the week typed up along with all the recipes so i thought i should share it here too.  see what you think.  i should confess that although i meal plan with days of the week i hardly ever stick to those days.  i like to make what i am in the mood for so i pick and chose what i want each day.  it just makes more sense to look at it next to days.

monday – homemade pasta with “normande” sauce.  (the pasta is from pw’s site and i ended up using 1/2 whole wheat flour and 1/2 white just to be a little healthier.  they still got rave reviews.  flash made the sauce and i did my best here to type up his recipe.)

tuesday – pork chops w fennel crust, lemony grilled veggies, sage lemon vinaigrette for everything.

wednesday – lemon shallot grilled chicken on top of arugula based green salad (left over sage vinaigrette)

thursday – cajun/bbq pork shoulder ribs, corn bread, braised cabbage

friday – leftovers or homemade pizza (on the grill?)

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today was a good day to get things done.  i got my meal plan sorted out and headed out to the grocery store at eight am with the pea in tow.  the bean stayed home and played with flash.  after i was done at the grocery store i decided the pea was doing well enough that we could swing by the nursery to get a few things i needed.  on saturday, at the farm festival (held at the farm we get our CSA veggie share from) we bought a bunch of plants to finish off the raised veggie bed and all my container planting.  this morning the pea and i got some potting soil, tomato cages, a few packets of seeds on sale, a badly needed new hose, and a sprinkler.  sometimes i feel like it is fantastic having a discount nursery located between home and the grocery store.

 

by the time i put her down for her nap we had already grocery shopped for the week, done the nursery stop, cleaned out the fridge, and put groceries away.  this head cold will not keep me down i tell you.  i am far to stubborn.  

 

now, for some pictures…of our monday stroll around my backyard containers and raised bed.  with some questions included for those of you who have done this before!

 

here is a view of a few of my planters on the back deck and below.  in the largest planter is some calendula from the farm, in the middle planter a dwarf sunflower, and in the smallest planter only dusty miller that you can see but i planted a few sunflower seeds in there.  we’ll see if they turn into anything.

DSC_0001

 

here some sweet basil, dusty miller and marigolds in a planter that is one of many now surrounding the base of the deck at ground level:

DSC_0002

 

flat parsley, curly parsley, rosemary and curry (i never knew you could get a curry plant. had to buy it when i saw it):

DSC_0004

another shot of the dwarf sunflower on the deck:

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i think this calendula is so pretty!  so one more peak at it:

DSC_0026

 

a close up of some dianthus i have in many of the planters:

DSC_0028

 

now out to the veggie patch.  here is my spinach which i think i need to thin out maybe?  someone please please help me before i ruin what could be something to eat!  and the carrots on the right hand side…do i need to thin those as well?  directions please!

DSC_0007

my sugar snap peas growing up the string i put up for them.  do they look ok?  anything i need to know or do here?

DSC_0008

 

my 4 “rows” of bush peas.  again, they look ok to me but i don’t know if i should be thinning so each plant has more space?  

DSC_0011

 

the whole bed from the far end.  (did i do the tomato cages correctly?  or do they need to be pushed more deeply into the ground?) tomatoes, peppers, eggplant and broccoli, bush peas, marigolds scattered throughout, snap peas:

DSC_0021

 

some close ups just for fun:

DSC_0022

 

DSC_0020

 

DSC_0019

 

DSC_0014

 

 

oh, i almost forgot!  i planted a row of colmbine seeds between my spinach and broccoli (they were a party favor), and a row of “sea shell mix” cosmos between my bush peas and the eggplant/broccoli row.   

 

my next planting project is to plant the rest of my dusty miller and two packets of “wildflowers” in with my “baby tree garden.”  of the ten trees i got only one is showing signs of life and it is getting a little depressing.  hoping to perk things up again by adding some life.  while i was planting in the veggie bed the eggplant’s told me that vegetable plants like to be near flowers.  take it or leave it as your belief system allows.  sounded good to me.  who doesn’t like to be growing near flowers?  so, my trees with get some flowers.  that is, if those seed germinate.

 

all in all a good day so far.  i am hoping to make the homemade pasta off pw cooks this evening at my parents house for dinner and flash is throwing together a tomato and eggplant sauce to go on it and my dad is putting something on the grill. both the bean and pea seem to be fighting the same cold i am so they are a little down and out. here is hoping we make it through for a nice dinner. and perhaps some nice wine too…in honor of some of my new mama blogger tweeting friends.

peace out people.
woowoo

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14

i have actually lost count but if i guess i think today was my 14th day shredding.  or something close to that.  the best thing about shredding is the way it makes me feel about myself.  i don’t look very different, i don’t seem to be losing weight (although surely some fat has turned to muscle), but i feel stronger.  not just physically, but all around.  i feel like i can stand my ground a little better, i feel slightly more sure of myself, i feel a little taller.

 

maybe none of this shone through in my momentary dip yesterday which happened to occur at the time i was writing.  i should confess, i have always found it easier to wax on about the down side of things when i am writing.  it is much more difficult for me to language the shiny moments than the dark ones.  maybe i am alone in that?  

 

so today i have a little bit of a head cold (or allergies) and the bean does too.  i really have not gotten as much done as i dream of.  i am feeling a little out of it.  and i have to say, it is a good day.  shred and a shower is a nice way to start the day.  hanging some stuff on the line to dry and remembering to bring it in before the thunder storm rain started falling was like a miracle.  reconnected with an old friend for a short visit which was a nice reminder of me a million years ago.  

 

all in all i think the shredding is good for me in ways much more complex than just toning muffy.  it brings me into the present moment.  it reconnects me with my body and gets me out of living solely in my head.  it helps me to see myself as strong.  strength is a lot of things and for me all of them are a good thing right now.  

 

did i mention my slight head cold?  i think it is surviving by eating my brain cells.  so i’ll just stop writing and go read instead.  if you got this far and you are willing to comment leave me a note about what your favorite blogs are?  links appreciated.  just wondering…

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naps

naps

 

i have been exploring twitter recently which is a win lose situation.  on the win side there are some funny people out there and reading their quips and looking at links they put up is entertaining and occasionally enlightening.  on the lose side i have yet another social media to spend my time on and yet another way to compare myself to others and come up short.  

 

not that anyone on twitter is telling me i am mediocre or anything.  (and not just because i seem to be the only one who uses that word.)  its just that i read these little updates and i have to stop and think, “what?”  sometimes when i look around my cluttered house with camera’s and arbonne products on the kitchen counter, cloth diapers and shipping boxes on the dining room table, toys in every room including the bathrooms, i can tell myself it is ok because i am very busy taking care of my two kids.  or even, on my more judgmental days i might think that people with cleaner homes must not be parenting as attentively as they could, or that they are perfectly wonderful parents but they are not ap and i have chosen to be ap and thus i get less done.

 

but then i get on twitter and there are these potentially great, maybe ap, mom’s and dad’s on there who are tweeting away about their swept homes, and line dried laundry, and early morning 5k runs, and late night shredding and i am a little unnerved.  i can’t help but compare myself and conclude that i am falling short.  i do not have this whole thing down.  i might be a farce.  i do still spend some time every day with the chickpea in her wrap snuggled in on my chest for a nap.  and i don’t get much done during that except laptop type things.  i don’t really want to say goodbye to this nap time together, snuggled with my baby, bodies fitting nicely together, feeling her move through sleep cycles.  this is the last baby after all.  when she is done with the nap thing i will never do it again.  

 

but still, i can’t help but feel i am falling short.  disorganized.  untidy.  not working out enough days a week.  garden not weeded and mulched, some plants still not planted, laundry in the washer and drier that should have been folded and moved this morning to make room for me to start the next load, fridge full of who knows what.  i could go on.  it might be nice some day to see a succession of tweets about the things we have not finished.  just so i didn’t feel so alone.  i can’t be the only one out there with my mouth hanging open and my brain exploding.  can i?

 

 

dining room table post fsot photo shoot

dining room table post fsot photo shoot

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